If you’re not a member of Birchbox, you really should become a member.  For $10 a month, they’ll send you a surprise package filled with deluxe samples of new items that you can try out.  If you like what they’ve sent, you can purchase the items online.

I have very sensitive skin.  As my friends say, my skin is more sensitive than most normal people with sensitive skin.  So I’m always a bit cautious trying anything on my face that isn’t for sensitive skin.  Luckily, Birchbox gives you the option of ordering boxes that are for people with extremely sensitive skin.  That means that what they send to you…it’s okay to use.

With all of the samples I’ve received from Birchbox and Influenster, it’s taken me a few months to really try out their products, because I’ve been so busy traveling and haven’t had a ME day in a while.  Luckily, I found some time over the last few weeks and here are the products that are on my…WOW! list.  As in…this was the stuff that I plan on making a part of my regular beauty regimine.

1.  FIX Malibu Immaculate Complexion Smoothing Serum. 

“This clever serum is on our skincare honor roll.  Antioxidant-rich vitamins A, C, and E brighten skin tone and soften wrinkles.  Full-size $125.” —Birchbox

Good luck finding a bottle.  I went online and couldn’t find one for sale.  Why?  Because they’re sold out EVERYWHERE!  Even FIX Malibu’s website is sold out of this product.

Let me tell you why this product is #1 on my list…my face is so smooth right now, it feels like cashmere.  That’s what this stuff will do for your face.  Results are INSTANT. 

Buying a bottle may be expensive, but I assure you…it is worth every single penny.  I just pray that by the time I get through my entire sample, I’ll be able to snag a bottle to get me through the rest of the year.  If not, this will become like my addiction to Dior’s L’Or de Vie.  They literally had to pull it from my hands and tell me that I wasn’t allowed to buy it in the department store!  (Good thing, because that was a $350 a month addiction.)

This product, on the other hand, has done something to my complexion that I never thought possible…it really does liven up your skin to where it feels smooth, minimizes pores, and makes your complexion feel and look like that of an 8 year old child.  Like I said, results are instant.  I’m on day three of this product and it really is turning back the clocks of time.

2.  Orofluido Beauty Elixir.

“This hair treatment taps into a trio of nourishing essential oils (argan, linseed, cyperus) to keep hair smooth and sleek.  Full-size, $29.99.” — Birchbox

All I can say is this baby WORKS!  My hair is super long, but because of health issues, growing older, not being able to get all of my nutrients, my hair has started to become brittle, grays have started to pop up, and at times…become so frizzy and unmanageable that I just give up completely.

I gave this product a shot, because I’ve tried so many in the past and nothing really works except Fekkai (and that’s $25 per bottle).  I applied the oil from the roots to the ends, brushed my hair, ran out the door and realized that the product was working instantly.

Flyaways were under control.  I could literally feel the oil restoring the lustre and shine to my poor hair that I’d given up on.  I kept going to the bathroom throughout the day just to look at my hair.  It was perfect…and I didn’t have to pay $300 to get Japanese straightening to fix it.

I tried the Phyto brand that Sephora gave to me over the weekend (four different treatments)…and that product doesn’t cut it.  Orofluido did.  This hair product is worth the investment.

3.  Algenist Firming & Lifting Cream.

“Turn back the clock with this sophisticated moisturizer, which uses a unique microalgae compound to boost skin’s elasticity. Full-size, $94.” — Birchbox.

After exfoliating with my Clarisonic Skincare system, I’ve been applying the Algenist Firming & Lifting Cream (I had to finally admit my age to myself and that it was time to start using anti-aging creams).  On top of Algenist, I’ve been putting on the FIX Malibu Immaculate Complexion Smoothing Serum. 

At first, I wasn’t sure if it was Algenist or FIX Malibu that was doing the trick…but then I realized that each one is working its own magic.  Together, they’ve started to improve my skin.  Those fine lines are starting to disappear…including the ones around my neck.  After a few days, I’ve noticed that the skin is starting to change…for the better.

For people that have very sensitive skin…this is the first anti-aging cream that doesn’t make me break out into a rash.  This one is actually doing the work without the harsh chemicals in it.

4.  WEI Chinese Rose Foaming Cleanser.

“This satiny cream purifies pores and releases pent-up toxins – you’ll be fresh-faced in no time. Full-size, $32.”  — Birchbox

I can’t even begin to describe how much I love this cleanser.  It really does make your skin feel like satin after using it…almost makes you feel like a china doll after using it. 

After I tried this product, I started reading up on rose water.  There are a lot of women (especially Asian women) that swear that rose water has been their trick to looking young well into their 60s and 70s.  So nice of my mother to not share this vital information with me! 

Along with this product, I do recommend using rose water…but I’ll save you a few pennies by directing you to a recipe that teaches you how to make rose water…a very simple DIY:  How To Make Your Own Rose Water.

OR if you don’t like the DIY variety, I’d like to recommend Moroccan Rose Water. I’ve visited these towns that make Moroccan Rose products.  These products are actually manufactured by women who are divorced, victims of domestic violence or widows.  They go to these co-ops to live, work and co-habitate with women like themselves.  It’s a very beautiful and peaceful place.
Also, a lot of the products I brought back from these co-ops…my friends have sworn by them.

That’s it for this month’s beauty recommendations.  I highly recommend becoming a Birchbox member so that you can get your own deluxe samples to try out for $10 a month.  A lot of the stuff I’ve received has been absolutely FABULOUS!  I’ve been very impressed with everything I’ve tried so far from them…and this is from someone who doesn’t do Sephora or beauty departments very well.  I end up lost or trying out stuff like DIOR…and then realizing it is too harsh for my skin. 

Birchbox takes the store out of the picture and delivers qualitative products to my door each month…and gives me new things to discover that I will absolutely love and incorporate into my skincare regimine.  After all, it really takes the research out of finding the right product for you.  They just deliver it to you.  All you have to do is try it for yourself.  If you love it…then you know what to buy and where to buy it.

I really should not be left to my thoughts…or Orlando Bloom on a day off.  Or maybe I should, because it produced a productive 16 pages in 3 hours for the book I’ve been working on since I got back from Morocco.

I had been a little perplexed over the last few months trying to decide how to start the story…to understand what the premise was really all about…as in…why in the hell I went to Morocco to begin with.

I could go on and on about how God told me to go there and whatever answer I was looking for I would find there.  But then that would mean that I was already on a quest.  I was already on a journey searching for the end of this story.  The question really was…what story was this that I was writing?  What was truly the beginning of this tale that led me to Morocco?  What was I searching for? 

Insert the movie “Elizabethtown” starring Orlando Bloom.  Sure, I’ve seen Bloom in plenty of films before. But there was something about this movie that made me sit up and see him differently.  It was like he was helping me to remember something I had chosen to forget, because the memories (no matter how good) caused a lot of pain.

I started to remember the smell of the caramel apples, popcorn and cotton candy in the air as the ferris wheel turned.  I remembered the sounds of the festival all around me.  I remembered him. 

I remembered falling in love with a carnival in tow.  I remembered talking for hours upon hours on the phone.  I remembered what it felt like to fall in love for the first time.  I remembered the innocence, the smell of his skin, the softness in each touch.  I remembered how his heart beat under the palm of my hand.

That was a time when I could literally say that his heart beat in the palm of my hand.  This was our fairy tale moment, a time when everything was perfect.  It was a time where you could bottle up that moment and put it in a snowglobe, going back to revisit that memory and how beautiful it all was, over and over again.  It was the fervor of first love.

If we knew what lie ahead…I would have stayed in that moment forever.  After all, what was about to happen would push me into a realm that sometimes bordered on insanity and losing it all. [Trust me, there’s a book I started on this exact topic.]

In 1994, that memory of that boy was abruptly hidden away.  He had put a bullet into that heart that I once felt beating in the palm of my hand.  With that, he didn’t just take his life, but he also took part of my soul with him.

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to describe that pain of feeling a part of your soul rip from inside you.  It was the most excrutiating pain I have ever felt, even if it lasted only a second.

I didn’t just lose him that night…I lost a part of myself.

That’s what the journey has been about all of these years…putting myself back together again.  And yes, it took almost 15 years before he restored what he had taken from me.  But even after feeling your soul at 100%, you are still left to heal and to learn to love again.

Watching Orlando in his role in Elizabethtown had me doing double takes all throughout the film.  It was like I was seeing Kevin again and remembering the way we were.  I was remembering why he was so special to me…he was my first soulmate.

Our souls spent those first years intertwining with each other.  Imagine how great that loss was to me.  I didn’t just lose Kevin, he had stolen a part of me when he left.  I spent years feeling half empty.  It took me seven years before I could ask why he killed himself.  Still, to this day, I wish I hadn’t known that his decision was partly based on my decision to leave for Washington, DC to start my life without him.  Then again, I wish he had told me that my decision…compounded with what he was left to face…would ultimately result in losing him forever.

I would have stayed in Indiana and deferred a year to Washington, just to wait for him so we could do this together.  BUT as fate designed it, I would never be afforded that opportunity.  Instead, I would walk this earth for the rest of my life without him.

Dreams changed after his death.  Plans changed.  Life, for me, completely changed.  I had to put myself back together again and it took a very long time for that to happen.

After I finished watching “Elizabethtown,” I was filled with fresh memories of the way things used to be.  It finally gave me incentive to write the beginning of the story the way it was supposed to be written.  We’re starting from the very beginning.

My friend called me while I was warming up my coffee, getting ready to write the beginning of this story.  I had this feeling that she sensed something was stirring within me when I looked down at my phone to see that she was calling.  I didn’t tell her what was running through my mind.  I just told her that I was getting ready to sit down and write.

I went into my office and cleared off my desk.  I thought…I need that card from his funeral…the one with his name on it…talking about purgatory.  Two seconds later, I found it in a huge stack of papers.  I knew this was right…this was how the story had to start.  The universe was saying…this is where you start.

And then I found this quote written down on a sheet of paper:

“If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.”– Jesus, from the Gnostic Book of Thomas

I thought long and hard about that quote.  This was my time to save myself.  I had to talk about Kevin.

I had only started to talk about Kevin right before I left for Morocco.  For the first time since his death, my brother and I sat down to talk about Kevin back in September. 

We talked about the demise of what happened in the family, especially where I was concerned.  He talked about how sick he was of hearing the family speak so ill about me, and it was obvious that they had never spoken to me about the things they claimed they were experts on.

They criticized me for not showing up at my grandfather’s 90th birthday party, not knowing that I spent his birthday talking to him on the phone for hours.  It was his wish that I not come to this party, because it was THEIR party, not his party.  He didn’t want me to know or to hear what they had to say about me.  He had been sitting at enough dinners to know that they spoke so ill about me, he didn’t want me to be hurt.

He asked me to come home when it meant something.  He told me then that he was going to die in three weeks.  He wanted me home then, not before for THEIR party.  I was honoring his wishes.  I just didn’t know what was going on until I arrived and was subsequently told that I was kicked out of the family as my grandfather lay dying in a hospital bed. 

My grandfather knew this was going to happen.  That’s why he structured his Will the way that he did.  He disowned them all…except for me and my brother.  It was his way of letting me and my brother know that we were not alone.  We belonged to him, just as much as we belonged to each other.

My brother didn’t understand what was happening to me over these years.  My grandfather picked up that something in me had changed…and it was because of that boy that died.  He knew it was.

When he tried to get me to talk about it…to say that it was because of Kevin, I couldn’t talk about it.  I couldn’t tell him why I decided to not puruse a career in acting or singing…why I’m not super famous like he knew I would be.  I couldn’t tell him because I couldn’t even admit it to myself.  I wasn’t ready to talk about Kevin.

I spoke to my brother about all of this…and then he said to me that thinking back on everything that had happened over the last 17 years…Kevin explained everything.  He said that he had been watching me his entire life and couldn’t understand why so much of this stuff was happening…why I never married or had children…why I didn’t date…why I just wasn’t interested…  But to talk about Kevin and how I’ve been in love with someone that I can’t even see, touch, talk to, or try to make things work?  It explained everything to him.

It was talking about Kevin right before I headed to Morocco that opened a new doorway to healing.  He was that skeleton in my closet that I kept locked up and guarded.  He was what I hid behind that castle wall I had built up and fortified where no one could enter.

He was the person I couldn’t let go of.

Through meditation, I was able to talk to Kevin one last time.  It was a moment that I will not forget, because he handed back to me what he had stolen from me.  He gave me back that part of my soul that had ripped from me that same moment his heart stopped beating.  When he handed it back to me, he said, “Learn to love again.” 

Easier said than done, right?

Since then, I’ve come to realize that we were letting each other go in that meditation.  Since that moment, I haven’t felt his presence around me.  I don’t feel him anymore, even when I miss him.  He’s not around anymore.  I feel like he was either reborn or found the doorway out of purgatory and into heaven…I don’t know.  I just know he’s not here anymore. 

My soul became whole again…100%, but it still needed to be healed.  There’s a lot of him still left in that other half that was restored.  It took the sand dunes of the Sahara Desert to heal what had been broken inside of me.

That’s what the journey to Morocco has been about…learning to love again.

I’m reminded of the famous bestseller, “Eat, Pray, Love.”  It’s a story of a woman’s journey in Italy, India and Bali…trying to put together what was missing in her life.  She was trying to find herself.

This journey I’ve been on has spanned 20 years of my lifetime.  It all centers around one central character.  His name is Kevin. 

This tale I’m writing will immortalize him.  It’s the least I can do for someone who has been my heart, soul and universe for almost my entire life.  It’s a tale of how when you lose everything, even a part of your soul, you can become whole again.  You can find the way back to yourself again.

Morocco really was the end to that story.  Now, I just have to finish writing it. 

The funny thing about this ending…as I look around my new office, one that I’ve spent all of these months redecorating since I returned from Morocco, I can’t help but feel like I am a little flower just shooting up from the cracks of the pavement, preparing to bloom for the first time this season. 

I feel the dawn of a new age in my life beginning…and it makes me smile that good things are awaiting me on this new adventure.  This is the part of the adventure where my grandfather’s dream for me starts to come true…it all begins by letting go.

[Photo above is a still from the movie “Elizabethtown.”  It reminded me of how Kevin and I shared the world like this together.]

Ladies, I’ve been doing some extra research today that I thought I’d share with you.  As we move this site into a more fashionista friendly zone with an eye on building your fantasy wardrobe, I also want to start wrapping your minds around becoming a fashionista with a sizeable bank account and a sizeable net worth.

You know that you love fashion.  It could probably break your bank account if you could actually buy everything you saw the Kardashians wearing or what is in the latest Vogue.  Trust me, I fell in love with Victoria Beckham’s line today…and then saw that she normally charges about $13,000 for some of her stuff.  Talk about a woman really tapping into her name and her love for fashion to generate major dollars in her own bank account.

Why can’t we do that, too? 

Let’s get started one step at a time.  Remember that first lesson from the “Top 10 Ways To Build Your Fantasy Wardrobe?” It all lies in your financial outlook.  Don’t go into debt for fashion was the number one lesson there.  I really do mean…don’t go into debt for fashion whatsoever.

1.  Want to be rich?  It all starts with doing your research.  One of the greatest lessons about money I’ve ever learned came from David Bach.  If you want to make your money grow, you always have to stay on top of the financial world.  That doesn’t mean you have to be the next Wall Street trader to understand money.  You just always have to do your research on how you can be better with your money.  That means reading books on personal finance like those from David Bach and Suze Orman.  They want to help you balance your accounts and have sizeable nest eggs so much that they actually give away this information for free.

Whether it’s reading their column, following them on Twitter, or just going to their websites…they usually offer their latest book for free to download.  Not too many financial gurus do that.  So the whole backlash these financial writers get from people…”yeah…I made you rich by buying your book”…they’re now proving a different mantra (which Russell Simmons aka Uncle Rush talks about on his Twitter all of the time).  When you help others make money, wanting nothing in return for this deed, the universe will grow your money in a different way.

It’s called karma…and they’ve tapped into that karma of putting forth good so that their own good fortunes (even if it is not monetary) will also increase.  Good fortunes could mean good health, good familial relations, good fortune in their ventures, amazing opportunities…i.e. living the dream.

 They made their mistakes, just like the rest of us do, but they learned from them, did their research and passed their knowledge along to others so that they too can grow.  It pays to do your research. 

What one person’s way to help you achieve financial freedom, may work for you…or maybe another person’s way will help you.  Read up on a few of the methods out there and decide which one works best for you and your goals.

For me, I do the 50/30/20 method developed by Elizabeth Warren and her daughter, Amelia Warren Tyagi in their book, All Your Worth: The Ultimate Lifetime Money Plan.  Their way to manage money made sense to me…50% for expenses, 30% on whatever I want and 20% to savings.  This method actually helps me gauge my overall financial situation.  Rent, loans, and all of my bills fall way under the 50%.  I was lucky that it did, but not all of them did at the start.

At first, internet and cell phone payments went under my 30% column because it was not a necessity to have those things.  But as I re-did my loans, utility bills, etc., eventually the internet and cell phone bills could go in the 50% expenses column, along with the monthly donations I make to charities.  The bills I paid monthly actually went down over time.  As each continues to go down and bills get paid off, I can apply more of the leftover money in the 50% expenses column to another bill.

Saving money (the 20%) is actually a beneficial tool for people that seek to be rich.  Every multi-billionaire talks about how when they first started off, they made that 20% savings MANDATORY.  Those who want to be SUPER RICH, do 30%. 

For me, I dabble in the 20%+.  I don’t count my Roth IRA or my Traditional IRA or 401(k) to that 20%.  20% is just the money I put into my savings accounts or money market fund.  Investing wisely in stocks…I got a 340% return during one of the worst recessions in America’s history.  That, of course, paid for my luxurious Moroccan vacation…a dream I’ve had for most of my life.  The rest of the return…went back into stocks.

For the shopper in me, that 30% has been a godsend.  I like knowing that I have money that is completely GUILT FREE to spend on whatever I want to spend.  Vacations usually come out of this budget, as well as a lot of the clothes, books, and home stuff I buy.  It also pays for the grocery bills and going out with friends.  I can spend this money however I choose.

It’s knowing I have that guilt free money that makes the 50/30/20 principle work for me.  All of my bills are paid.  I have money put away for savings…and I have money that I can live with and have fun with.

The reason why this method is perfect for most people?  It forces you to move your life within your financial means so that you can enjoy life, not stress about the bills, and save for tomorrow.  If you fall outside of the 50% category (some people had 80% going to their mortgage and bills…scrimping away and unhappy with the 20% they had left), you need to get your expenses and bills down to 50% of your take home income.  If you’re more than 50%, you’re living outside of your means.  You want to be below that 50%. 

I will admit that when I travel and the cell bill goes up to $400…I don’t like those months that I have to dip into my 30% to pay for it. It’s not fun at all. 

You’ll find that as you research how to manage your money, there are methods that will work for you and others that won’t.  Warren’s methods were perfect for me.  I’ve been using it for some time now.  But I also always read David Bach and Suze Orman.  The economic market is always changing.  They’re learning new things from the tricks of the trade.  It’s always wise to stay abreast on how that’s changing.

It may be boring to you, but just as much as I don’t like dipping into my play money to pay a cell phone bill, it sure won’t make you happy when you realize that all of your play money and savings have to go to paying bills all of the time.  You have to know how to manage your BASIC personal finances before you can completely create your fantasy wardrobe.

2. After You Get The Basics Down…start putting your next plan into action.  Start creating goals.  Keep a little notebook on what your goals are.  It could be anything from owning a pair of Manolo Blahniks to a vacation in Italy to making your first million…whatever the goal…write it down and make it happen.

I’ve always found that writing down your goal actually helps you achieve those goals.  But one thing I’d like to add…as your life changes, so to do your goals change.  During my rock and roll years, I had a lot of dreams I wrote down from recording certain songs, to owning a record label…the list goes on.  But in 2004, all of that changed and I went down a different path and became a writer.

Those goals are goals that don’t make sense in keeping anymore because I’m not passionate about that world anymore.  The more passion you have in doing something…the more it is meant to be yours…but keep in mind…it takes a lot of hard work to achieve goals.  They don’t just float to you on a silver platter.

Like all dreams, you also have to have patience.  Things just don’t happen magically overnight. 

The first time I ever fell in love with Valentino was in 2008.  I dreamed of owning a Valentino.  I mean…I was really in love with Valentino.  It took some time before I would own my first Valentino (a pair of sunglasses).  Now, I actually have various pieces from Valentino.  It took a lot of waiting, but it’s that desire to have it…it was finally made possible without going broke.  It just took a lot of patience and waiting for the pieces to come into my collection.

These days, my dreams of owning this and that for my wardrobe are starting to come to a close.  My goals are starting to come in the form of business ventures and making money.  I get inspiration from people like Kathy Ireland and Martha Stewart…women who took their passions in life and made their names into household names…turned into multi-million dollar franchises.  Kathy Ireland’s products alone have sold over $2 billion, while Martha Stewart has sold $900 million worth.  Who knew, right?  

It’s about passion for doing what you love and sharing it with the world.  That’s how you make profitable enterprises.  It’s all about enjoying what you’re doing.  Life is too short to be stuck in a miserable job.  Work where you are happy.  Do what makes you happy.  If you get paid to live your dream…then you are blessed…but remember, it takes a lot of hard work to make dreams into a reality.

3.  Be frugal.  Most of the wealthiest people on the planet got that way because they are super frugal.  I mean…SUPER FRUGAL.  It may seem like punishment for the fashionista to go the frugal route, so I’ll share what I’ve been doing over the years.

a) Drink the office coffee.  Latte factor NO MORE.  I used to put Starbucks in my budget.  Now, Bauble Bar has the Starbucks budget.  My latte habit was a good $12 a day.  Then I decided that Starbucks was getting too expensive and was too much of a luxury, so I switched to the free coffee at the office…and rarely go to Starbucks unless I’m traveling.  Why pay for something you can get for free? [That’s my #1 rule in life.]

b) You can afford to go the cheap route on the basics.  Most of my t-shirts, pants, tanks and underwear come from the clearance bin at the Gap or Banana Republic.  They last FOREVER.  If I was basing my cost per wear according to how many times I’ve worn each of these items to what I paid…Gap and Banana Republic would be owing me money for wearing their merch. 

You don’t always have to buy a $100 t-shirt to be fashionable.  Sometimes an $8 one from the Gap will last forever…I still have yet to throw out t-shirts I’ve had for the last 7 years.  Same goes for the pants I’ve picked up from their clearance sales. 

Always buy basics where you can save a few dollars.

c) Go thrift. Besides donating the things you don’t need, take advantage of the big sales at the Goodwill, Salvation Army and other similar thrift shops.  My favorite in NYC is Housing Works.  Most of these places have special sales that you should always be on the lookout for.  Housing Works opens their Warehouse up on the weekends.  For $25, you buy a brown bag and stuff whatever you find into it.  The downside is you have to dig through crates filled with merchandise for a great find.  My biggest find…EVER…was a Burberry coat.  It was the first thing I picked up on my first ever Buy the Bag.  What was even more shocking…it was in my size.  It was the best thrift find I’ve ever had.

Thanks to a lot of thrift stores, I’ve gained a lot of designer duds including Prada heels (2 pairs), Hermes and Tiffany & Co., as well as many other big designer names.  Looking at Housing Works site right now, I see a pair of Louboutin wedges in an auction for $100.  Not a bad price considering they’re worth way more than that.

d) Target, anyone?  I love when big designers collaborate with Target…especially when those designers hit the clearance rack (which can happen).  You can wind up wearing designer duds at Target prices.  It’s a great way to start adding big names to your wardrobe.  My favorite so far has been a Thakoon dress.  I’ll be hitting up the Jason Wu next week.

e) Hit the clearance racks…when they go an extra 50%+ off.  I’ve bought so much Calvin Klein and BCBG thanks to those clearance racks.  I once took home a head to toe Calvin Klein outfit…for $13.

f) Hit up the discount retailers.  When I first started building my fantasy wardrobe, Filene’s Basement, Daffy’s, Marshalls and TJ Maxx really helped. 

*Note: I’m not sold on outlet malls.  I don’t think their pricing is conducive to qualitative products.  A lot of times those products are misshapen, castoffs, etc. and not worthy of the actual store it came from…so they wind up in outlet land.  I know I can also get a better deal online or perusing clearance racks with the same article of clothing in perfect health.  I don’t recommend buying your stuff at the outlet malls…especially since LastCall.com (Neiman Marcus’ outlet) and Nordstrom Rack are both online.  They can’t sell messed up clothing to you online because the rate of returns would be very high…while at the mall itself, you pay for what you get.*

4. Clip Coupons. Don’t become an extreme couponer.  But do clip coupons to save some dough.  I clip coupons, but I also earn rewards from every place I can get more money back…like Ebates, RecycleBank (where you earn points for taking surveys and learning about going green to use towards coupons and free stuff), and even the manufacturer websites themselves.  

When you have a pretty strict diet like mine, you have to save where you can.  I even shop at the Dollar Tree, Dollar Store and Jack’s 99 cent stores.  I like finding things that I can use or donate to the local Food Pantry.  Jack’s, I’m a huge fan of.  I once bought a set of Pottery Barn stemware for $12.  That’s $1 per stem.  No one knows that’s what I paid (well, you do now)…what matters is that they’re still Pottery Barn glasses. 

When I do eat, I am a bit of a foodie, especially when I cook.  I pick up a lot of international and foodie type ingredients at my local Jack’s for less than what I would pay at other stores.  That’s a huge help.

Always look for ways to save on things you buy.  There are always ways to get a better deal…you just have to do your research…and be on the lookout (even your friends will spread the news).

5. Circle of Life.  Want to know why my portfolio was up 340%?  Because I believe in the circle of life when it comes to money.  I buy stock in companies I actually do business with…like Whole Foods.  As much as we complain about the price, in NYC…their organic foods are cheaper than Food Emporium.  So since I’m buying my food at Whole Foods…why not buy stock in that company, too?  Not only that…but why not promote them too?

Believe it or not, buying stock in Whole Foods was my Forbes stock tip of the day.  I went through pre-clearance with my job then bought the stock after the approval.  Forbes picked this stock as being one of five stocks that they expected to have growth.  Forbes is my ONLY SOURCE on what stocks to buy.  They have never done me wrong.  I’ve profited nicely thanks to every stock tip they’ve ever given to me.  Granted, with the stocks they highlight…I let my intuition be my guide as far as which of the 100s they’ve chosen will be the one that I buy.

Buying Whole Foods stock just seemed logical to me since I made a life change, and Forbes was mentioning the stock. Now that I’m buying more veggies and fruit for my new juicing diet, I thought it would be better to invest in the store where I’m buying my food.  I’ll get my money back by way of dividends.

When you invest in the places where you shop, do regular business, etc. you are putting the bang for your buck even further.  It takes a lot of research to figure out what’s best for your life…if you like McDonald’s hamburgers…then buy stock in McDonald’s.  You love the Gap?  Buy stock in it.  Diversify your portfolio, just as diversified as you are in life.  Buy stock in the companies that has your cellular phone contracts, provides your energy, your cable contracts…anything and everything that has to do with every walk of your existence.  Invest in gold or silver, because that’s what your ring is made out of.  Invest in Honda, because you drive an Accord.

See where I’m going here?  If you’ve invested in buying these things and doing business with these companies (some places you feel forced to do business with), why not get your money’s worth and invest in those same companies.  You’re not the only one banking with these people…you’re just going to be the smarter one about it.

****

Get your financial houses in order FIRST before proceeding any further.  Check the websites out.  Read up on personal finance news at Yahoo! Finance, Forbes, etc.  Check the financial books out of the library. Learn, learn, learn. 

In this day and age, it pays to be smart about your finances, but you have to start from scratch and know what you’re doing…take baby steps and move forward.  It took me six months to put each financial action into play.  Once I got used to what was going on (the changes in my paycheck, the rebalancing of my accounts, etc.), it became clockwork…making the basic management of money easy. After I was able to accomplish all of those things…I moved on to the next venture in growing my own net worth.  For me, that next step is launching my own business.  It took a long time to get there…a lot of dreaming and planning…but it’s time.  Why?  Because I have bigger dreams that require bigger money…and I’m not counting on anyone but myself to make those dreams happen, because they’re my dreams that I have to make come true.

All of you know what I’m talking about…achieving dreams is not really rocket science…it’s just a lot of hard work, passion and determination.  Start getting your life in gear and you’re on your way to that fantasy wardrobe.

I was watching Dexter Season 5 over the weekend.  I was upset that Julie Benz was written off the show…happy that Julia Stiles made the season…and creeped out at the horrible evil out there. 

Yes, it’s just a show.  Yes, what happened to Lumen (Stiles’ character) has and does happen to women.  After Dexter set Lumen free from her captor, she asked him what he was going to do with her next.  Sell her? 

Yes, that happens in America, too. 

The ongoing theme I saw here was that these girls that were selected…they were all girls that no one would go looking for.  They were girls recently transplanted in a new city.  They were girls that worked odds and ends jobs (like on cruise ships).  They were girls that employers would not miss if the girls didn’t show up for work, because they didn’t have permanent jobs.  They were just working a lot of miscellaneous jobs.

There were girls that were hiding from their family.  Their parents wouldn’t be looking for them just one week after arriving in the big city. 

There are girls that come from overseas, thinking they are coming to the US with a job in hand, only to get here to find that they are trafficked, sold and resold to the highest bidder.  They are forced to work as dancers, strippers, prostitutes, or ‘spa’ workers.  They drug the girls up so they won’t run off at the start. Some girls end up becoming addicted and having to owe money to their john for their upkeep, along with their newly found habits.

The scariest thing of all of this…no one is looking for them.  At least, not at the start.

When I first moved to NYC, my job really looked out for me.  They always made sure that I reported in…especially if I was traveling alone.  A job that expects you at the office 35-40 hours a week…they’ll know if you’ve gone missing.  They’ll go looking for you and will report you missing.

Friends you make…they’ll do that, too, especially if you’re both from small towns living in the big city for the first time.  You look out for each other.

That’s the thing…even if you are alone…you need to have someone looking out for you no matter where you go.

I know a lot of people are shocked that I travel alone all of the time, especially internationally.  In Europe, I’m usually safe.  I’m not in my 20s.  I’m 35…not really a market out there for women like me in the slave trade.  I’m also from NYC, so I’m aware of a lot of the schemes out there.  As a human rights activist, I’m also aware of the trafficking schemes. 

Slavery does exist in America, as well as all over the world.  You think just because Abe Lincoln got rid of slavery that it doesn’t exist here in the States?  Oh, it does.  Who keeps these slave businesses running?  Look to your men, ladies.  Politicians, cops, doctors, dentists, average joes…you name it…they keep slave handlers in business.  It’s a very profitable enterprise…the sexploitations of human beings. 

Some of these girls end up tortured, beaten…and later killed.  They’re not human to these people paying big johns for their services.  They are treated as something less than a human being…that’s what justifies the unthinkables that they do to these people.

You may think that this will never happen to you or anyone that you know…but I’ve seen it happen to people I know.  Even my cousin was almost trafficked before he put in a call to my mother asking for $500 so that he could go to Sweden.  Everything he described after that I told my mother to tell him, “NO.”  What she was surprised to learn from me on why I was saying no, saved his life.

Ends up I was right.  It was a human trafficking scheme.  Some of his friends that bought into this scheme…he never heard from again…neither did their families.  He later found out the betrayal that went down.  The trafficker was later arrested for human trafficking…and then let go, only to head to another village to start their business up again.

These things happen all over the world.  Teens can run away and end up a sex slave because they trusted the wrong person.  They know mom and dad aren’t going to go looking for them because these runaways are from a broken home.  These people are ideal candidates for the sex slave trade…the people NO ONE is looking for.

But let’s talk about another danger that plagues women…stalking.  In my lifetime, I’ve had two stalkers.  Both have threatened to kill me before cops came rolling in.  Why did they threaten to kill me?  Because they’re mentally ill.  They think that a woman that was kind to them once, means that she’s their girl after that.  One guy told the entire neighborhood I was his girlfriend.  One of my neighbors said, “Then why is she always with that cop?”  Some of the neighbors tried to play it to him straight to really force the truth…that girl is not yours…she doesn’t even talk to you.

That made him crazier.  He started hanging out in front of my home before I went to work and in the evenings (I never come home at the same time).  He then yelled to me across the street something he had seen going on in my house when I wasn’t home.  He told me about my roommate’s activities. 

I walked into the house and told my roommate what he just said.  She turned ghastly white and said, “How would he know that unless he was looking in the windows?”

The next week, I tried to take a new route home.  He found me.  Luckily, someone was outside of their home when he threatened to kill me.  I got home, he took another way to get to the front of my house before I did…started apologizing for scaring me…it just made him so crazy that I wouldn’t acknowledge his existence.  I walked in, closed the door, locked it, called my cop boyfriend…and let’s just say that police beatings in Washington, DC do happen when someone threatens the life of one of their own.  They trumped up some big charges on the guy to keep him out of the neighborhood for the next 2 years.  I was gone by the time he was let out of jail.

The cops beat him up very badly.  They actually hurt him to the point that it maimed him.  There’s nothing he can do about it.  Why?  They would be at his door again to take matters into their own hands again.  They don’t take too lightly to stalkers stalking one of their own…and threatening to kill that person. 

They could easily come up with that third strike. 

I am talking about stalking today for a reason.  There is a reader that has been stalking me as of late.  I know who he is.  I was warned when I came back from Morocco that I had a serious problem.  I wasn’t aware that I did, but talking about falling in love with Hamid on this site is what made the situation worse. 

What they had to tell me about this individual was so bad, they had to call him to tell him to stop.  He was caught outside of my home on two separate occasions while I was out of the country.  I’ve caught him once before.  But after I got back, I’ve caught him 3 additional times.  Once, he was in his car.  The other two times, he tried to wear a disguise, but I recognized his eyes.

There is a reason why I’m not covering hockey as much this season…I was told what had happened while I was out of the country…and frankly it scared the hell out of me.  I was told that I was within my right to press charges, but they would try to handle the situation so that I wouldn’t have to go to the law.

Can you imagine me pressing stalking charges against a public figure?  The things I heard about him…apparently he has a history of doing this to women that reject him.  They told me that he has an unnatural obsession with me.  His employers told me this! 

Things are getting so out of hand now that he’s been disguising himself in my neighborhood…because who knows…someone may recognize him…like me!

Stalking is a mental illness.  There is nothing natural about it.  It is not normal.  Normal people do not sit out in front of a woman’s house and wait for her to leave for work or hang out outside her home when she comes home.  They don’t drive around her neighborhood trying to figure out her schedule.  They don’t sit out in front of her home PERIOD!  They don’t cruise around the neighborhood because THEY DON’T LIVE THERE! 

The only people that do that are people that seek to do that person harm…and that is why the law protects the stalking victims. 

People that stalk are not right in the head…they’re not. 

When I told Hamid about this stuff, he looked at me with a confused look on his face and said, “Why doesn’t he just let it go?”  He went on to vent about how I have shown every single sign imaginable to let this person know that I wanted nothing to do with him…so why doesn’t he just let it go? 

That is why his employers have called it an ‘unnatural obsession.’  It is not natural.  It is not normal.  This is not what normal people do.  Either conform to what normal people do or risk spending some time in prison…and a very embarrassing decline in public eye.

That being said…ladies…always be careful.  There are always weirdos out there.  ALWAYS!  I’ve had my share of lunatics…and the reason why they obsess?  Because the woman rejects them.

For those who have never taken Rape Defense Courses…take them.  Sign up for them.  Learn how you can fight for yourself and how to protect yourself should anything happen to you.  Luckily, I’ve never had to use these self defense techniques, but it gives you confidence in yourself.  That confidence can stop a would be attacker right off the bat. 

Always be alert to your surroundings.  Let your intuition be your guide.  If something doesn’t feel right, that’s your fight or flight response mechanism going off.  Your intuition is your first line of defense in protecting yourself.

It wasn’t so long ago that my intuition went off on a guy across the street in my neighborhood.  He was walking towards the train station, I was walking the opposite way.  Half a block later, he shows up at my side with an umbrella telling me how pretty I am.  I stepped to the side and almost beat the crap out of the guy.  Why?  Because in this day and age it is highly inappropriate for a man to walk up to a woman at 11PM at night…especially when my intuition took note that he was bad news….AND heading in the opposite direction when I saw him earlier.  Why is he all of a sudden on my side of the street, heading the other way.

I yelled at him all the way down the street telling him how inappropriate his actions were and to get the hell away from me.  I made sure I was loud enough so that neighbors could hear.  His only response was, “I don’t understand.”  He kept telling me how pretty I was.  I pulled out my phone, ready to press the police department’s number on my speed dial when he took off down the street.  [You can’t tell me he was up to any good when that’s his reaction.]

Most women would have maced the guy.  Me, I would just beat the shit out of him if calling the cops hadn’t worked.

See ladies…you have to listen to your intuition.  Some things you pick up and note (like I did: 1) noticing a stranger in the neighborhood at 11PM, 2) noting that he’s walking in the opposite direction on the other side of the street)…that’s your guardian angel looking out for you and putting up warning signs for you so that you know how to act and react when you are confronted with the situation.

If I hadn’t noticed the guy walking the opposite way on the other side of the street, my action would have been very different.  That’s why you should always note your surroundings…and listen to your intuition.

I also take note where each and every cop is on my routes.  I take note of the people around me, where they are standing, who they are, what they are wearing, etc.  That’s why I wear sunglasses all of the time.  I don’t want people to know what I am observing. 

You have no idea who is observing you.  I’m always surprised that people I don’t know on my bus know what my stop is before I say “excuse me, this is my stop.”  Granted, it’s nice, but at the same time, if I observe people like this…people observe you, too.

Most times, that stuff is innocent.  Other times…not so.  You have to always be on alert for the not so innocent ones.

As for the weirdos stalking as of late…I’ve been off the market for awhile…I’m not going back on the market anytime soon.  I’m especially not going to go back on the market for some guy that’s stalking my home.  Really…I think you’re mentally ill.

Also, another note to the ladies…I know that there are some men out there with the notion that insulting a woman is grounds for getting her number…I have had this happen to me a few times in NYC.  For some strange reason…that just does not work with me.  All they get is a really pissed off woman.

One guy tried to hit on me in the press box.  I almost hit him for the shit he was saying to me.  Then, he thought he would try one last time and handed me his phone number.  I waited a minute after he left to throw the card in the trash can.

Another guy, said to me, “Do you think anyone gives a shit about what you write?”  Of course, he said that after he tried to pick me up…and it wasn’t going so swimmingly.  I had the owner throw him out of the bar.  The owner was so mad…he kept going on about how a famous writer was in his establishment and this drunk idiot was bugging her.  Excellent service, I might add.

Just recently…another guy that I thought was just a colleague, tells me he’s newly separated the second I get in his car to go to a hockey game.  My intuition went off saying this was not a good situation.  The next 2 hours I spent listening to how Hamid is going to beat me up (because he’s a Muslim Arab and that’s what they do), how my soon to be betrothed was evil (because that’s what Muslim Arabs are).  He laughed about me having a stalker.  He laughed about me falling in love with a Muslim Arab nomad.  He made fun of me to the point that now when I get his creepy texts asking where I am and if I’m with my guy…it gets a DELETE, because it’s none of his fucking business.

Want to piss me off…you spread hate, make fun of a woman to her face, act like you’re the only man she could possibly want…when she has a man…degrade her, say shit to her about herself (and her guy)…oh yeah…you’re on her shit list for LIFE. 

Guys, you win more girls with being honest and being poetic.  Even the homeliest men in Morocco were able to sweet talk to me.  They didn’t get the whole…get the fuck out of my face. Why?  Because they didn’t spout words of poetry in an effort to have sex with me.  They said it in an effort to be honest and true from their heart. 

Also, Moroccan men are godfearing…that means that they’re so afraid that God will smack the crap out of them…they are GOOD at all times.  The second one of them steps out of line (especially in an offensive way against a woman) a village of men come together and all hell breaks loose on that one guy. 

Guys want to know why I speak so highly of Moroccan men?  Because these are men that are looking for their soulmates.  They don’t treat women horribly.  It’s not to say that there aren’t the occasional abusers (just like anywhere else), but there are many men there that speak from their hearts and souls all of the time.  They know that if a soul connection is not made, that woman is not meant for them. 

That’s the thing…everyone wants to connect to other human beings.  If there’s no connection…let it go.  Don’t stalk them hoping that a connection will be made.  If a woman is avoiding you like the plague…chances are you creep her out.  A woman has a better understanding if you are right for her or not.  It’s actually in our DNA. Women have better perceptions than men do on whether a man is a good mate or not…or whether they are just chemically wrong for each other.

Although ladies…you want to pick the wrong mate?  Try finding one while you are on birth control.  Birth control actually inhibits this biological sense to know whether a mate is chemically good for us or not.  Our sense of smell actually can tell you whether a man is a good mate (which means healthy babies free of diseases/birth defects) or a bad mate.  Trust me…it works, but for those looking for the love of a lifetime…you know, the good mates…you have to find them without birth control in your system.  (Sorry, ladies…it’s just a biological thing.)  Just pick up this book from Jena Pincott.  She explains all from the science point of view (a lot of that stuff shocked the hell out of me, but explained all). 

As for creepy guys that may have seen yourself reflected in this blog post…let women do the choosing.  Quit paying for the slave trade.  Quit stalking women that apparently know you’re bad news (and that’s why they stay the fuck away from you).  Really…she’s not going to change her mind about this…especially after she’s discovered you outside of her apartment several times already and YOUR JOB has already warned her that there’s a serious situation going on…and YOU ARE THE MENTAL CASE THEY ARE REFERRING TO. 

Like Hamid says…just let it go.  You guys really need to get a healthier look at that human race called women.  Most of you are okay…it’s the creepy ones we have to worry about.  They really make all of humanity look like they should be smited out of existence.  Sometimes it takes one bad seed to ruin it for everyone.  Food for thought…

I’ve been waiting for this film to come out on DVD for a year now.  I have to say…this documentary did not disappoint.  I awwed, cooed, laughed, and sat back in complete awe at a brilliant masterpiece about four babies from four very different parts of the world and their first year of life.  San Francisco, Namibia, Tokyo and Mongolia are the four regions these babies are from. 

It’s so interesting to see how first world countries are not so different from each other in raising children (i.e. San Francisco and Tokyo).  I even had to sit there asking…’why is she naked?’  Then there was the “Now, I’ve seen everything!” 

I laughed hysterically at the Tokyo baby throwing a huge fit because she was given a toy that she couldn’t figure out.  I kept saying…now, why would they do that to the poor child?  But it’s just a way of showing how in Japan, intelligence is embedded in the mind of a child at a very young age…that is, the need to be highly intelligent.  Can you imagine her frustration when she couldn’t figure out why the wheel kept falling off?  Oh, she threw a gigantic fit!

Then there were these weird baby classes.  I don’t understand why we have weird baby classes in America or in any first world countries. 

I was surprised at the bathing rituals of the kids.  From the regular bathing with parents, to the big basin, to washing a baby’s face with a mother’s milk (that did not look sanitary to me), and then cleaning a baby like an animal would clean their young.  No diapers?  Why…the baby will just go on the mom’s leg, and she’ll take a corn husk and just wipe it off. 

There were some shocking ways that babies are raised…even in America that had me thinking…not any one way to raise a baby is correct, nor is it wrong.  Weird?  Yes.  You just pray the baby turns out okay.

I will say that I liked the community involved in Namibia in child rearing.  I didn’t see any men.  I only saw the women sharing the duties of raising the children.  If you were breast feeding, you don’t turn away other babies…unless a third comes along, then they just have to wait.

All parents scold their children in the same way.  Siblings in Namibia really do look out for their younger brothers and sisters…and they’re very serious about it, too. 

I thought it was cute when one child was trying to learn how to stand up on his own, another baby that could already do it, came over to try to show him how to stand up. 

Child rearing…it’s best to have other children around because they will help teach other babies how to advance much better than an adult can teach the baby.  It’s evident in the film.  A child is more likely to go straight to the task at hand when they’re exposed and raised with other children.  They learn and are inspired by the other kids.  That’s what I liked most about the Namibia culture.

I also enjoyed watching the animals interact with the babies.  They know it’s just a baby pulling at them, dragging them around, standing in the middle of a stampede…they watch out for that little tyke.  Even the cows notice the little baby in the middle of the field.  They try to protect him.  Cats and dogs…they just tolerate the pulling and tugging…and they never snap at the little one. 

If you haven’t seen this documentary, I definitely recommend it.  It was so enjoyable and educational.  In a way, it was like a primer to get ready for the future.  😉

Here’s a clip from the movie:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vupEpNjCuY]

Spring is right around the corner.  In some parts of the US, maybe a little sooner than anticipated.  There’s nothing that says HAPPY like a spring update in our homes in springlike colors.

At The Foundary today, I found the above pillow covers in yellow.  I think pillow covers are great!  Instead of buying an entire pillow and then having so many pillows you don’t know what to do with when you want a refreshing new look, pillow covers come in very handy, because they are very easy to store.

Just last night, as I was moving the rugs around from one room to the next, I took a look at my couch and thought that new yellow pillows would look fantastic with the rug I just moved into the living room.  Of course, that means $20-$100 worth of pillows from Target. 

Instead, I picked up two pillow covers in yellow for $38.  Not a bad price, right?  They’ll match my other two yellow pillows I picked up last year from Target.  I can just cover up the other pillows that don’t match the look I’m going for this spring.

West Elm also sells pillow covers (as well as inserts) that will cost you from $9.99 (for the boring cover) to $39 per cover. 

For those wanting to shop at The Foundary, here is the invitation code: The Foundary.

I really like the site.  It has really cool home stuff at great prices.  Plus, when you invite others to join, you’ll receive a $10 credit.

Next on my spring update is a white sofa slipcover from Simply Shabby Chic from Target (currently $109).  One thing’s for sure…I’ll need a lint brush handy with a black and white tuxedo cat rolling around on the sofa! 

Also, for those that are big on the chevron pattern, there are a few chevron pillows in different spring colors at the Foundary for around the same price I paid. 

Happy Spring Cleaning!

Well, ladies, I can’t say I’m officially a single girl, because that’s not true.  But I am spending Valentine’s Day alone this year, just like every year.  My guy is out in the sand dunes of the Sahara Desert, so I don’t plan on spending this American holiday with him.  I actually won’t get to see him until July (or August). 

Spending another V-Day alone seems like disaster right?  I’m sure some of us can attest to having had one of those boyfriends that either mysteriously disappears around every major holiday that requires him to spend money (Christmas, birthdays, Valentine’s Day)…or breaks up with you right before said holiday, gets back with you after the holiday and then dumps you again before the next holiday and then is back again after said holiday.  Yes, I’ve had one of those losers.  It took me a couple of years to figure out what he was doing. 

Then there are those that are discourteous…you end up buying everything for V-Day…you even make the romantic dinner…sit at the table and wait…and he doesn’t show up until 1AM. 

Oh yes, the crappy boyfriends that have us thinking that we’re better off single with the way they treat us.

Not all men are that way.  I still have yet to date a guy that was actually there for all holidays…so I’m used to spending every single holiday by myself or with friends. 

This year is a little different though…he actually has a solid excuse…he’s in Morocco and physically can’t be here for the holiday.  So that still leaves me as a solo practitioner on Valentine’s Day.  Rest assured…if I’ve survived the holiday every single year of my adult life ALONE…you can too.  

Here are some ideas to how you can make your Valentine’s Day a great one.

1.  FOCUS ON ME!  Instead of expecting someone else to make your Valentine’s Day a day you would LOVE, why don’t you do something for yourself and make it a “ME” Day?  Every year, since I’ve been in NYC, I’ve made a spa appointment to Bliss Spa.  I go there once a year, and this is the only time of year when I go. 

I’ll book some really cool treatment, a massage and a waxing.  I end up leaving so relaxed, forget needing a guy to relax you into bliss…let someone else knead the stress out of your body and pamper you from head to toe. 

2.  Along with focusing on ME, a stop at Tiffany & Co. may brighten your day.  Can’t afford Tiffany?  Well, take a look at their website.  Right now, I have my eye on the Jitney Tote in Tiffany Blue.  Retail is $495, but I’m justifying this hefty purchase with the thought that I would be a seriously happy camper with this bag on my arm.  For those who don’t want to spend as much…consider buying something for the home from Tiffany & Co.  You can buy stemware for $20 per glass, a crystal bowl for $30,  or a mug for $35.  You can even buy a scarf for $50.

Jewelry on your mind?  Well, you’ll have to splurge for that one…but you can get this Tiffany Hearts Pendant for $100.

For those really wanting a Tiffany & Co. deal, try to search for used/like new items on Bonanza.com and ShopGoodwill.com.  I’ve received plenty of Tiffany & Co. home products through ShopGoodwill.com in the past.  I even scored an Hermes toucan plate!

3.  Buy YOUR FAVORITE flowers.  I always hated getting red roses.  I always thought that the guy put ZERO thought into the gift.  I remember once telling the ‘disappearing act’ that it would be nice if he just stopped and picked up a $3 bouquet from off one of the street vendors.  You know…that didn’t even work! 

Instead of wishing that the guy would buy your favorite flower, order them online to be delivered to you on Valentine’s Day…OR just pick up a bunch on your way home. 

Even the day after Valentine’s you’ll find serious markdowns on flowers that you can buy in mass quantities to beautify your home.  Order your favorites to be delivered, and then bulk up the day after V-Day for your home.  Trust me, seeing flowers next to your bed first thing in the morning will brighten up your day.

Personally, I just prefer picking the flowers out myself and bringing them home with me on V-Day.

But if you want to know what the best gift is?  Sending flowers to your closest friends (whether they are single or with someone).  This day is about LOVE, and one thing’s for sure, I love my girlfriends like they’re my sisters…so sending flowers to them, especially if they are single, will surely brighten their day! 

4.  ORDER IN.  What’s your favorite takeout?  Order from them and let them deliver it to you.  DO NOT…ABSOLUTELY…DO NOT offer to pick it up on your way home.  You would be a glutton for punishment if you were to attempt to do that. 

Whether it’s pizza or Thai food (my personal fave), make plans to order in.  Don’t attempt to meet the girls at a fave locale, because you’ll regret it.  Why?  1) Good luck finding a table, 2) Why torture yourself with the lovey dovey crap around the restaurant, 3) Why sit around watching other couples?

Just plan on a night in.  If you can’t do it alone, invite the girls over and order takeout delivery, buy a bottle of wine, and throw in a cheesy chick flick.  Girls Night Out! 

5.  Be Smart About the Chick Flick.  I don’t recommend watching an I HATE MEN chick flick.  I recommend watching a chick flick that inspires you to be open to love.  “Love Actually” comes to mind.  If I’m not at the spa on V-Day, that’s my go-to film…or Notting Hill.  I like that they’re not necessarily from the woman’s point of view, but from the man’s point of view…or both.  Love Acutally is unbiased because it covers all spectrums of love. 

Do not put in a Jane Austen flick (God help you if you do).  If you must, at least put in Sex and the City. 

Don’t put in any kind of movie that will make you hate yourself after you finish watching it.  Watch a movie that will inspire you from February 15th and on to find the love that you are looking for.  Don’t start the 15th off in an “I HATE MEN” mode…start it off knowing what it is you want.  That’s why I say watch an inspiring chick flick.

6.  When in doubt, MEDITATE.  I actually started doing this on Valentine’s Day three years ago.  I learned something about myself and what I was looking for when it came to love.  The perfect guy for me…he’s the guy that was spiritually in tune to the universe like I was.  I was looking for a soulmate…not just love. 

I wanted someone that I could connect with through my heart and soul.  Crazy that what I was looking for…I had to go all the way to the friggin Sahara Desert to find…and he had to be a Muslim Arab.  Irony, right?  Luckily for me, he’s more spiritual than he is a devout Muslim.  We connected in ways that had me realizing that the kind of love I was always asking for was the kind of love story that God could write with his own hand in the stars above.  For it was gazing at the stars above that had me standing still in a moment to realize that my soul had connected with the man sitting next to me. 

I think Hamid knew when he first saw me that I was the one.  It would explain why he forbade all single men from taking me out into the desert to watch the sun setting.  I had three different guides before the only married one of the bunch took me to the top of the dunes.  I saw Hamid watching from the tents to make sure nothing happened.  He knew before I did. 

It takes a lot of fighting with God about how THE ONE has never shown up, to actually admitting to yourself that what you’re looking for is a tall order…and in time (the right time, I might add), he’ll make his appearance known to you…when you’re both ready.

When I realized Hamid was the person I was searching for, it was that silent moment where you’re standing still that you realize that you’re standing before God and he’s giving you the exact thing that you’ve been waiting for all of your life…that’s when it happens. 

It was through meditation that I came to terms with past loves and let go of them.  It was through meditation that I discovered what I was truly looking for in a mate.  It was through meditation that I learned to love again.

Meditating on V-Day about love was probably the smartest thing I ever started doing.  I eventually found love…and I found it because I was open to possibilities.  I was open to the possibility that love was sitting right next to me…if only I would look to my right and see him sitting right there. 

It takes faith in God, a lot of meditation, and being open to the possibility that sometimes what you think is what you want is not what you need…God knows what you need better than you do.  And God writes better fairy tales than you ever will.

7. Cupcakes, anyone?  Ok…so bon bons are the IT thing for V-Day.  But you know what truly brings a smile to our faces?  CUPCAKES!  Oh, in NYC we are spoiled.  We have Magnolia Bakery, Sprinkles, Crumbs…oh, the list goes on. 

Chocolates may have a special place in our hearts, but cupcakes make us SUPER HAPPY! 

So stop and buy yourself a half a dozen, or a dozen minis (I like the minis from Crumbs…comes in lots of different flavors).  Nothing says loving like a cupcake!

8.  Buy yourself something SEXY!  Who says we can’t try and be a vixen when we’re solo?  Ok…in all honesty, just pull on your favorite PJs and curl up on the sofa for Love Actually.  We’d really feel more comfortable, right? 

If you go the all sexy route…make sure there are toys nearby.  Just saying…

9.  Want to curl up to a good book?  Well, make sure you have your fave cocktail in hand (see 10 for a special cocktail).  For me, since I’m missing my desert beau, I’ve been reading “The Oracle of Stamboul” by Michael David Lukas.  It hasn’t turned into a love story…yet, but it reminds me of Morocco.  I’ll admit that it’s hard to turn Morocco off when I stop reading and I’m walking around NYC.

Another good book to curl up to is “The Help” (if you haven’t read it yet).  It’s one phenomenal story. 

For those who just want a Harry Potter’ish novel, try picking up any of the beginning books from the Rick Riordan series.  There are 2 series.  One is the Percy Jackson series, the other is the Kane chronicles.  Another great series is the Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel from Michael Scott.  The series starts off with The Alchemyst.  Great read! 

Notice the theme?  I’m steering you towards great stories that will  capture your attention and keep you away from the Jane Austen/love stories out there [do not read Jane Austen on V-Day].

10. How about a Cocktail?  Ok…so maybe the non-alcoholic variety, but oh, so good (you do have to go to work the next day):

Peach Prosecco Spritzer (from Epicurious)

1. Head to the gym (who knows, you might meet a single guy while running on the treadmill).
2. Hit up the juice bar (the guy behind the counter may be a cutie)
3. Cook up a good, healthy meal…find a recipe and try something new
4. Go for a long run (I’ve heard lots of stories about runners meeting their mates running in Central Park)
5. Grab your ice skates and go skating (there’s always a cute guy around)
6. Try the spa…trust me, your body will thank you for it later.

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I’ve been doing some research into the raw food diet and juicing.  I’m not 100% sold on raw food yet, because when I eat, I generally like my food piping hot, because it soothes my esophagus and warms my tummy, making food a lot easier to get down.  Cold and warm foods (unless it’s just plain salad) are not so easy to get down.

I’ve been checking out several of the raw food recipes and I keep thinking…most of these meals just seem…unappealing to me.  But juicing…that seems more up my alley.

For the past few weeks, I’ve been incorporating more freshly squeezed juices into my diet…mainly fresh carrot juice and fresh grapefruit juice.  It took some adjusting to liking the taste of grapefruit juice or carrot juice…but after a few days, my body started craving freshly squeezed juices.

Today, since I’m starting to develop the after effects of the common travel cold, I’ve had to up the juicing bounty.

One drink that my grandfather used as a cure-all ever since I was a little kid was a tablespoon of honey, mixed with the juice of one lemon, and hot water.  I can tell you now…the sore throat is gone, as well as that horrible, dry, achy feeling in my nasal cavity.

Thanks to this little cure-all, it brought the inflammation down in my esophagus, eased the swelling in my stomach…and now I can eat (salad, of course).  I didn’t need medicine or a doctor’s visit…just the good ole, tested but true, old fashioned, all-natural remedy.

I will tell you this…with all of these liquids and juices, I do find that I’m a lot fuller.  Sure, I feel like eating a huge salad, but then 1/3 of the way through the salad and I can’t eat another bite!

I don’t recommend the ‘on the go’ friendly version of juicing.  I tried to drink a Naked Juice, but I ended up having an allergic reaction to something they added to the juice.  I plan on just sticking to the basic stuff with no extra additives that boost the juice’s power. 

I’ve been asking around about juicing, and those who do juice have reported incredible improvements in their energy levels, as well as with their overall health.  A lot of people have their own favorite blends.

In all honesty, I like the straight up just carrot, just watermelon or just grapefruit.  I think juicing would be a great way for me to try to sneak in my daily allowances of fruits and vegetables.  Eating is a bit of a challenge for me, so maybe juicing is the answer.

As for raw foods, I’m going to have to keep researching it, maybe develop some recipes of my own before I catch on.  Based on a lot of the research I’ve done so far on the lifestyle, it has been a great way to curb cancer, especially for those who have a history of it.

I’ve seen some organic juicing supplements that I may incorporate in…like juice supplements that completely relax you.  I have a hard time relaxing…I literally get freaked out when I ‘try’ to relax.  Maybe a juice supplement for relaxing will help?  I’ll have to do additional research. 

As for people that juice for weight-loss…I haven’t spoken to anyone that did juicing purely to lose weight.  I think that might be a little on the dangerous ‘fad’ diet side.  This should be more as a diet in addition to making healthy lifestyle changes.

I’m going to try to go mainly liquid for the next few months to see if my body does a turn around that gets me out of the red abyss and at least into the yellow (more than 3-4 points away from the red).  I’ll try to do one non-liquid meal a day (not necessarily raw food), as well as some Greek yogurt.

My health has to be this bad if I’m becoming an extreme health nut.  I’m not expecting to lose any weight from this, because I know how my body likes to hold onto everything.  For those who would like to read up on Juicing for Weight-Loss, here’s an interesting article.  I like that it gives you the guidelines on how to juice along with a couple of recipes.  Rule of Thumb: 1 veggie, 1 fruit and 1 bitter veggie.

If you juice or go the raw food route, what recipes, books, links, etc. do you suggest?

12-18 months on medical lockdown will go by quickly, just like every year does.  So while I’m still in the USA, there are some things I’d like to do before packing up the apartment and splitting for good.  Here’s a list of things I’d like to do before leaving.

1. Try Texas BBQ (so I can understand why Texas boasts some of the most obese people in the entire US of A). 
2. Visit the top of the Statue of Liberty
   
3. Do a bus tour around Manhattan
   
4. Visit San Francisco (again) as an adult
   
5. Spend a weekend in Martha’s Vineyard
   
6. Spend a weekend in Cape Cod
   
7. Try the New England Clam Chowder…in Maine
   
8. Have my fortune read by a genuine fortune teller…in New Orleans
   
9. Alaskan Cruise…to see the glaciers and migrating whales.  Pet a whale.
   
10. Go fly fishing.
    
11. Visit Montana and hang out at a ranch.
    
12. Sundance Film Festival.
    
13. Some beach town in Florida…I’m not picky, just so long as I can golf.
    
14. A few Caribbean Islands (because it’s cheaper to fly from here to there)
    
15. South America (because I’m on this side of the world now…will be more difficult post-move).
    
16. Galapagos (see 15 as reason)
    
17. Costa Rica reserves (see 15 as reason) also to hang out with the exotic animals
    
18. Mayan Temples (see 15 as reason)
    
19. Macchu Picchu (see 15 as reason)
    
20. Try a waffle cone in Portland, Oregon
    
21. Go to the Country Living Fair in Austin, Texas & check out the local bands (April 27-29, 2012)
    
22. Go golfing in South Carolina and hit up the beach
    
23. Buffalo Sabres in Buffalo…to visit Jillian.
    
24. Fairs, fairs and fairs…
    
25. Sea World in Florida
    
26. Disney’s Animal Kingdom!!!!  !!!!  !!!!
    
27. Go deep sea fishing
    
28. Swim with the dolphins at Grand Bahamas Island
    
29. Boston Bruins in Boston…visit well, everybody I know in Boston
    
30. Toronto, Canada…need to find out what the deal is with this place
    
31. Niagara Falls (while in Buffalo)
    
32. See Constantine Maroulis (see it’s on the list)
    
33. See Jekyll & Hyde…many, many, many times…because it’s my all-time favorite musical EVER.
    
34. Build up my DVD/book library to last the rest of my life
    
35. Cherry Blossom Festival in Washington, DC (April 14, 2012)
    
36. Mount Vernon
    
37. The Met
    
38. MoMA
    
39. The Guggenheim Museum
    
40. Hang out at Chelsea Piers…a lot (golfing perhaps?)
    
41. Golf in Las Vegas at 6AM (June 2012)
    
42. See Jaromir Jagr A LOT (like you’ll never see him again)…unfortunately that means Flyers games (YUCK!)
    
43. Be a fan of *AHEM* that hockey team no one is supposed to know you’re a fan of
    
44. Go to 1 football game in your lifetime…we’ll make it a Giants game
    
45. See NY Yankees vs. the Texas Rangers (make it so)
    
46. LA Galaxy vs. NY/NJ Red Bulls (David Beckham…yes!)
    
47. See Evgeni Malkin (I just love his coming to America story)
    
48. Go to a lot of movies (because they’ll be scarce in Africa)
    
49. See the ballet in NYC
    
50. Dress up to the nines and head to the Opera…like you used to do
    
51. Enjoy NYC like you’ve never enjoyed her before
    
52. Spend an entire day at Coney Island…just to say goodbye…and stop at the aquarium to say goodbye to the fishies
    
53. Finally accept the New Yorker festival invitation and GO
    
54. Hit up the fashion shows during Fashion Week
    
55. Hit up Fashion Night Out all over NYC
    
56. Watch the ball drop on NYE in NYC (book a hotel night near the event)
    
57. Get Lasik Eye Correction before moving
    
58. Buy the things you’ve always wanted, but could never justify treating yourself…it’s your last chance
    
59. Photograph Ilya Kovalchuk
    
60. See Laurence Fishburne
    
61. See at least one Disney Broadway show
    
62. Actually, see a lot of Broadway shows before you go…
    
63. Eat a true NY style pizza every now and again (try to, at least)
    
64. Print out the list of top 100 restaurants in the world…and go to all of the ones in NYC
    
65. Spend every single open time that you can with friends
    
66. HAWAII…enough said.
    
67. Spend some time in Redondo/Hermosa Beach before you go
    
68. Stock up on the stuff they don’t have in Africa (like tampons and rubber bands for your hair)
    
69. Switch out technology that’s too advanced for the older models…like the cell phone…no BlackBerry
    
70. Visit the Boardwalk in Atlantic City
    
71. Philly…Rocky…need I say more?
    
72. Fire your doctor…and do it to her face
    
73. See the Rockstar one last time…and don’t tell him that you’re going to his show.  Let him figure it out.
    
74. See all the guys from the old days
    
75. Vermont…just because it’s a weird state
    
76. Indy 500…just because it’s part of my history growing up in Indiana
    
77. Celine Dion IN CONCERT (June 2012?)
    
78. Criss Angel Mindfreak show in Vegas (June 2012?)
    
79. U2 on Tour???  Let’s see if they’ll make it so.
    
80. Central Park Zoo to see the famous lion from Madagascar. 😉
    
81. Take a stroll through Central Park…stop to read a book and enjoy the park
82. See the Northern Lights
    

Hmmm…will have to think up more…as they come along…

I haven’t read the book “Water for Elephants” yet.  I’ve been trying to, but the whole circus thing makes it hard for me to read it.  Maybe I will read it sometime this year.  Last night, though, I actually checked the movie out from the library and watched it.  I was getting ready to turn it off to start on my latest book, “The Oracle of Stamboul” by Michael David Lukas, when the elephant beating happened.

I wanted to kill the guy after he beat that elephant until she couldn’t get up.  Who in the hell does that?  I literally sat there with my hands over my mouth in shock and cried.  I had to keep reminding myself that this was only a movie…BUT stuff like that happens in real life.

I won’t go to the circus thanks to Kim Basinger’s campaign to educate the world in the animal cruelty that happens behind the scenes at circuses.  After learning this…even though a lot of things have changed thanks to PETA…I still won’t go to the circus.

You hear the stories in the news all of the time.  One place, they had too many dogs for dog sledding, so they not only starved them to death, one employee was forced by his boss to shoot them all or risk being fired.  He ended up doing his boss’s bidding and then he went out on disability for PTSD, because he was traumatized by what he was forced to do.

Then you see the dog fights and rooster fights that people bet on.

Then you have pit bulls that are starved to death, chained to the back of a truck and dragged along a road…there are holes in the poor dog’s legs.  He’s put down by animal control because he’s a pit bull…not because of the injuries he sustained being dragged.

Why are people so cruel to animals? 

I have found nothing but love and true care from animals.  I always find it strange when I’m traveling that dogs will walk down the street and out of nowhere come right up to me to say hello. They won’t stop for the people I’m with…they just come right up to me.

Animals sense things.  They can even sense when someone is a good person and when someone is really sick.

In Oia, Santorini, Greece, I had a whole island filled with dogs that escorted me all over their island.  They made it their duty to aid the sick.  The locals talked about how they were the spirit of the island.  That’s why they all took care of the dogs by leaving out food and water for them.

The dogs acted like tour guides and bodyguards for me.  When a guy they sensed as being evil started to approach me, the dog that was with me took off and started snarling and barking at him.  Next thing you know, four more dogs came out of nowhere, growling at him.  A couple of the dogs backed me up against the wall to protect me when the guy drew near. 

The guy stopped to talk to my friend.  I could only veer my friend away and head back down the path, because the dogs were restless.  We walked away and all five of the dogs followed us down the path to ensure we were safely away before breaking off.  I remarked to my friend that I didn’t think that guy was good news, because of the way the dogs were reacting.  She said she got that feeling too…but then remarked that the dogs weren’t protecting her…they were protecting me.

In Morocco, it’s considered rude to not eat your entire meal.  It’s like you’re saying the food wasn’t good if you don’t finish your meal.  Well, I can’t eat a lot.  Thank goodness for the cats.  They ended up hiding the fact that I wasn’t eating, because they ate everything for me.  I can’t eat three pieces of chicken.  I can eat one chicken leg.  The cats…they got two chicken legs.

One night, they made couscous with chicken, a lamb tagine, and beef with figs tagine.  That’s a lot of food for just one person!  A cat came out of nowhere and I started feeding the lamb to the cat (lamb is not something my body likes or can break down).  I could only say…thank goodness for the cat.

I also stopped to say hello to a donkey in a busy marketplace filled with donkeys.  Would you believe that donkey ended up coming to look for me in the marketplace later?  He literally came running up to me and stopped when he got to me.  He had this big ole smile on his face.  If I was living in Morocco, I would have bought him and brought him home right on the spot.  As Driss said to me later, he thought that maybe my soul connected with the animal.  He’s seen it happen many times but with dogs or cats.  This donkey and I connected and he was so happy to see me when he found me in the marketplace. 

Truthfully, the only reason why I even approached the donkey to begin with…I saw him looking at me taking photos of the donkeys.  He was watching me with so much interest, I went up to him and said hello.  Donkeys usually don’t care what’s going on around them…taking that much interest in a human…that says something.

There was even a time when I was younger that we brought in a new cat from off the street.  My brother was trying to horseplay with me when all of a sudden the cat came flying out of nowhere, jumped on my brother’s back and started attacking him. 

My brother stopped, a little confused by what was happening before we just bursted out laughing.  Needless to say, after I left, Gordon would only come back to visit when I was home.

Most of these animals I’ve encountered in my life have always been kind to me.  Since I got sick…they’ve acted as guides and protectors…and sometimes even doctors and lifesavers.  I can’t tell you how many times Surita knows when I’m going to throw up before I do.  She gets that look on her face.  20 seconds later, I feel it. 

When my lung was stopping, she managed to jump up onto the dresser and make a running jump to land on my chest to get me to wake up and ‘startle’ the lung into starting back up again. 

Every now and again, I’ll notice her wake up in the middle of the night and if she can’t hear me breathing, she’ll come and sit next to my face to check to make sure I am breathing, especially if it’s a night where I’m having difficulties.  She’ll sniff around, put her face in places she would not normally do if I was awake.  When she realizes I am awake, she backs off because she doesn’t like being caught doing that kind of stuff.

Animals have been very kind to me no matter where I go in this world.  Why anyone would treat animals so cruelly…or teach them to be cruel is beyond me.  There’s no logic to it.  Why beat an animal up because you want to show it that YOU are in charge? 

It’s a power thing…it’s the same kind of power thing that makes bullies beat up on other kids, and men beat up their women, and serial killers kill people. 

There is no room for cruelty in life, because someone is always watching…whether you see them or not.  Sins against humanity is not limited to sins against each other…cruelty that lies within a man’s heart…that’s what you are judged upon.  Acting upon that evil, that’s what is unforgiveable.

If you’ve been following me on Pinterest, you’ll notice my WANTS board.  I tend to throw a lot of purse lusts and Valentino onto the board.  Most of those lusts come directly from Saks.com.

While I was at The Bay in Ottawa, I caught a cheaper version of the same bag I was wanting from 3.1 Phillip Lim.  It was only $98…and I’m kicking myself that I didn’t buy it.  I really loved that bag.  But rest assured…I not only found a similar version of my wants at The Bay, but I also found more on their website! 

Since The Bay is a lot like Macy’s, I’m going to share my finds with you from the Wants board on Pinterest to the less expensive version.

1. Nancy Gonzalez Glazed Python Tote (price unknown, but in the 4 figures).

Spotted on Gossip Girl…a Nancy Gonzalez python tote that I can’t seem to find anywhere on the internet! 

Well, Canadian Store, The Bay, has something similar from Nine West.  They only have it in Henna, but it still has that ombre look.  It’s on sale for $43.19 CAD.

2.  Reed Krakoff Boxer Tote Bag, $990.

Now, I love this design with the buckles going across. I’ve been wanting this bag ever since I saw it.  Then lo and behold…The Bay has another bag similar to this beauty from Nine West for $125.  You can also find a few similar ones at DSW for $49.95.

3.  3.1 Phillip Lim Pashli Printed Croc-Print Leather Satchel, $975.

 

Of all the bags…this one is the one I covet the most.  While walking through The Bay, I saw a similar version for $98 and almost freaked.  I regret not having bought it there, because they don’t have it on their website.  Luckily, it’s sold at Macy’s.  It’s from Olivia & Joy.  You can also get it in another version for the same price.

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So now the question is…which ones am I going to buy?  Well, I’m going to pay a visit to Macy’s when I return from Houston to see if I can pick up a few of these (or similar) with a coupon.  The Bay is very similar to Macy’s, so I hope the main store will have them all!