I was watching Dexter Season 5 over the weekend. I was upset that Julie Benz was written off the show…happy that Julia Stiles made the season…and creeped out at the horrible evil out there.
Yes, it’s just a show. Yes, what happened to Lumen (Stiles’ character) has and does happen to women. After Dexter set Lumen free from her captor, she asked him what he was going to do with her next. Sell her?
Yes, that happens in America, too.
The ongoing theme I saw here was that these girls that were selected…they were all girls that no one would go looking for. They were girls recently transplanted in a new city. They were girls that worked odds and ends jobs (like on cruise ships). They were girls that employers would not miss if the girls didn’t show up for work, because they didn’t have permanent jobs. They were just working a lot of miscellaneous jobs.
There were girls that were hiding from their family. Their parents wouldn’t be looking for them just one week after arriving in the big city.
There are girls that come from overseas, thinking they are coming to the US with a job in hand, only to get here to find that they are trafficked, sold and resold to the highest bidder. They are forced to work as dancers, strippers, prostitutes, or ‘spa’ workers. They drug the girls up so they won’t run off at the start. Some girls end up becoming addicted and having to owe money to their john for their upkeep, along with their newly found habits.
The scariest thing of all of this…no one is looking for them. At least, not at the start.
When I first moved to NYC, my job really looked out for me. They always made sure that I reported in…especially if I was traveling alone. A job that expects you at the office 35-40 hours a week…they’ll know if you’ve gone missing. They’ll go looking for you and will report you missing.
Friends you make…they’ll do that, too, especially if you’re both from small towns living in the big city for the first time. You look out for each other.
That’s the thing…even if you are alone…you need to have someone looking out for you no matter where you go.
I know a lot of people are shocked that I travel alone all of the time, especially internationally. In Europe, I’m usually safe. I’m not in my 20s. I’m 35…not really a market out there for women like me in the slave trade. I’m also from NYC, so I’m aware of a lot of the schemes out there. As a human rights activist, I’m also aware of the trafficking schemes.
Slavery does exist in America, as well as all over the world. You think just because Abe Lincoln got rid of slavery that it doesn’t exist here in the States? Oh, it does. Who keeps these slave businesses running? Look to your men, ladies. Politicians, cops, doctors, dentists, average joes…you name it…they keep slave handlers in business. It’s a very profitable enterprise…the sexploitations of human beings.
Some of these girls end up tortured, beaten…and later killed. They’re not human to these people paying big johns for their services. They are treated as something less than a human being…that’s what justifies the unthinkables that they do to these people.
You may think that this will never happen to you or anyone that you know…but I’ve seen it happen to people I know. Even my cousin was almost trafficked before he put in a call to my mother asking for $500 so that he could go to Sweden. Everything he described after that I told my mother to tell him, “NO.” What she was surprised to learn from me on why I was saying no, saved his life.
Ends up I was right. It was a human trafficking scheme. Some of his friends that bought into this scheme…he never heard from again…neither did their families. He later found out the betrayal that went down. The trafficker was later arrested for human trafficking…and then let go, only to head to another village to start their business up again.
These things happen all over the world. Teens can run away and end up a sex slave because they trusted the wrong person. They know mom and dad aren’t going to go looking for them because these runaways are from a broken home. These people are ideal candidates for the sex slave trade…the people NO ONE is looking for.
But let’s talk about another danger that plagues women…stalking. In my lifetime, I’ve had two stalkers. Both have threatened to kill me before cops came rolling in. Why did they threaten to kill me? Because they’re mentally ill. They think that a woman that was kind to them once, means that she’s their girl after that. One guy told the entire neighborhood I was his girlfriend. One of my neighbors said, “Then why is she always with that cop?” Some of the neighbors tried to play it to him straight to really force the truth…that girl is not yours…she doesn’t even talk to you.
That made him crazier. He started hanging out in front of my home before I went to work and in the evenings (I never come home at the same time). He then yelled to me across the street something he had seen going on in my house when I wasn’t home. He told me about my roommate’s activities.
I walked into the house and told my roommate what he just said. She turned ghastly white and said, “How would he know that unless he was looking in the windows?”
The next week, I tried to take a new route home. He found me. Luckily, someone was outside of their home when he threatened to kill me. I got home, he took another way to get to the front of my house before I did…started apologizing for scaring me…it just made him so crazy that I wouldn’t acknowledge his existence. I walked in, closed the door, locked it, called my cop boyfriend…and let’s just say that police beatings in Washington, DC do happen when someone threatens the life of one of their own. They trumped up some big charges on the guy to keep him out of the neighborhood for the next 2 years. I was gone by the time he was let out of jail.
The cops beat him up very badly. They actually hurt him to the point that it maimed him. There’s nothing he can do about it. Why? They would be at his door again to take matters into their own hands again. They don’t take too lightly to stalkers stalking one of their own…and threatening to kill that person.
They could easily come up with that third strike.
I am talking about stalking today for a reason. There is a reader that has been stalking me as of late. I know who he is. I was warned when I came back from Morocco that I had a serious problem. I wasn’t aware that I did, but talking about falling in love with Hamid on this site is what made the situation worse.
What they had to tell me about this individual was so bad, they had to call him to tell him to stop. He was caught outside of my home on two separate occasions while I was out of the country. I’ve caught him once before. But after I got back, I’ve caught him 3 additional times. Once, he was in his car. The other two times, he tried to wear a disguise, but I recognized his eyes.
There is a reason why I’m not covering hockey as much this season…I was told what had happened while I was out of the country…and frankly it scared the hell out of me. I was told that I was within my right to press charges, but they would try to handle the situation so that I wouldn’t have to go to the law.
Can you imagine me pressing stalking charges against a public figure? The things I heard about him…apparently he has a history of doing this to women that reject him. They told me that he has an unnatural obsession with me. His employers told me this!
Things are getting so out of hand now that he’s been disguising himself in my neighborhood…because who knows…someone may recognize him…like me!
Stalking is a mental illness. There is nothing natural about it. It is not normal. Normal people do not sit out in front of a woman’s house and wait for her to leave for work or hang out outside her home when she comes home. They don’t drive around her neighborhood trying to figure out her schedule. They don’t sit out in front of her home PERIOD! They don’t cruise around the neighborhood because THEY DON’T LIVE THERE!
The only people that do that are people that seek to do that person harm…and that is why the law protects the stalking victims.
People that stalk are not right in the head…they’re not.
When I told Hamid about this stuff, he looked at me with a confused look on his face and said, “Why doesn’t he just let it go?” He went on to vent about how I have shown every single sign imaginable to let this person know that I wanted nothing to do with him…so why doesn’t he just let it go?
That is why his employers have called it an ‘unnatural obsession.’ It is not natural. It is not normal. This is not what normal people do. Either conform to what normal people do or risk spending some time in prison…and a very embarrassing decline in public eye.
That being said…ladies…always be careful. There are always weirdos out there. ALWAYS! I’ve had my share of lunatics…and the reason why they obsess? Because the woman rejects them.
For those who have never taken Rape Defense Courses…take them. Sign up for them. Learn how you can fight for yourself and how to protect yourself should anything happen to you. Luckily, I’ve never had to use these self defense techniques, but it gives you confidence in yourself. That confidence can stop a would be attacker right off the bat.
Always be alert to your surroundings. Let your intuition be your guide. If something doesn’t feel right, that’s your fight or flight response mechanism going off. Your intuition is your first line of defense in protecting yourself.
It wasn’t so long ago that my intuition went off on a guy across the street in my neighborhood. He was walking towards the train station, I was walking the opposite way. Half a block later, he shows up at my side with an umbrella telling me how pretty I am. I stepped to the side and almost beat the crap out of the guy. Why? Because in this day and age it is highly inappropriate for a man to walk up to a woman at 11PM at night…especially when my intuition took note that he was bad news….AND heading in the opposite direction when I saw him earlier. Why is he all of a sudden on my side of the street, heading the other way.
I yelled at him all the way down the street telling him how inappropriate his actions were and to get the hell away from me. I made sure I was loud enough so that neighbors could hear. His only response was, “I don’t understand.” He kept telling me how pretty I was. I pulled out my phone, ready to press the police department’s number on my speed dial when he took off down the street. [You can’t tell me he was up to any good when that’s his reaction.]
Most women would have maced the guy. Me, I would just beat the shit out of him if calling the cops hadn’t worked.
See ladies…you have to listen to your intuition. Some things you pick up and note (like I did: 1) noticing a stranger in the neighborhood at 11PM, 2) noting that he’s walking in the opposite direction on the other side of the street)…that’s your guardian angel looking out for you and putting up warning signs for you so that you know how to act and react when you are confronted with the situation.
If I hadn’t noticed the guy walking the opposite way on the other side of the street, my action would have been very different. That’s why you should always note your surroundings…and listen to your intuition.
I also take note where each and every cop is on my routes. I take note of the people around me, where they are standing, who they are, what they are wearing, etc. That’s why I wear sunglasses all of the time. I don’t want people to know what I am observing.
You have no idea who is observing you. I’m always surprised that people I don’t know on my bus know what my stop is before I say “excuse me, this is my stop.” Granted, it’s nice, but at the same time, if I observe people like this…people observe you, too.
Most times, that stuff is innocent. Other times…not so. You have to always be on alert for the not so innocent ones.
As for the weirdos stalking as of late…I’ve been off the market for awhile…I’m not going back on the market anytime soon. I’m especially not going to go back on the market for some guy that’s stalking my home. Really…I think you’re mentally ill.
Also, another note to the ladies…I know that there are some men out there with the notion that insulting a woman is grounds for getting her number…I have had this happen to me a few times in NYC. For some strange reason…that just does not work with me. All they get is a really pissed off woman.
One guy tried to hit on me in the press box. I almost hit him for the shit he was saying to me. Then, he thought he would try one last time and handed me his phone number. I waited a minute after he left to throw the card in the trash can.
Another guy, said to me, “Do you think anyone gives a shit about what you write?” Of course, he said that after he tried to pick me up…and it wasn’t going so swimmingly. I had the owner throw him out of the bar. The owner was so mad…he kept going on about how a famous writer was in his establishment and this drunk idiot was bugging her. Excellent service, I might add.
Just recently…another guy that I thought was just a colleague, tells me he’s newly separated the second I get in his car to go to a hockey game. My intuition went off saying this was not a good situation. The next 2 hours I spent listening to how Hamid is going to beat me up (because he’s a Muslim Arab and that’s what they do), how my soon to be betrothed was evil (because that’s what Muslim Arabs are). He laughed about me having a stalker. He laughed about me falling in love with a Muslim Arab nomad. He made fun of me to the point that now when I get his creepy texts asking where I am and if I’m with my guy…it gets a DELETE, because it’s none of his fucking business.
Want to piss me off…you spread hate, make fun of a woman to her face, act like you’re the only man she could possibly want…when she has a man…degrade her, say shit to her about herself (and her guy)…oh yeah…you’re on her shit list for LIFE.
Guys, you win more girls with being honest and being poetic. Even the homeliest men in Morocco were able to sweet talk to me. They didn’t get the whole…get the fuck out of my face. Why? Because they didn’t spout words of poetry in an effort to have sex with me. They said it in an effort to be honest and true from their heart.
Also, Moroccan men are godfearing…that means that they’re so afraid that God will smack the crap out of them…they are GOOD at all times. The second one of them steps out of line (especially in an offensive way against a woman) a village of men come together and all hell breaks loose on that one guy.
Guys want to know why I speak so highly of Moroccan men? Because these are men that are looking for their soulmates. They don’t treat women horribly. It’s not to say that there aren’t the occasional abusers (just like anywhere else), but there are many men there that speak from their hearts and souls all of the time. They know that if a soul connection is not made, that woman is not meant for them.
That’s the thing…everyone wants to connect to other human beings. If there’s no connection…let it go. Don’t stalk them hoping that a connection will be made. If a woman is avoiding you like the plague…chances are you creep her out. A woman has a better understanding if you are right for her or not. It’s actually in our DNA. Women have better perceptions than men do on whether a man is a good mate or not…or whether they are just chemically wrong for each other.
Although ladies…you want to pick the wrong mate? Try finding one while you are on birth control. Birth control actually inhibits this biological sense to know whether a mate is chemically good for us or not. Our sense of smell actually can tell you whether a man is a good mate (which means healthy babies free of diseases/birth defects) or a bad mate. Trust me…it works, but for those looking for the love of a lifetime…you know, the good mates…you have to find them without birth control in your system. (Sorry, ladies…it’s just a biological thing.) Just pick up this book from Jena Pincott. She explains all from the science point of view (a lot of that stuff shocked the hell out of me, but explained all).
As for creepy guys that may have seen yourself reflected in this blog post…let women do the choosing. Quit paying for the slave trade. Quit stalking women that apparently know you’re bad news (and that’s why they stay the fuck away from you). Really…she’s not going to change her mind about this…especially after she’s discovered you outside of her apartment several times already and YOUR JOB has already warned her that there’s a serious situation going on…and YOU ARE THE MENTAL CASE THEY ARE REFERRING TO.
Like Hamid says…just let it go. You guys really need to get a healthier look at that human race called women. Most of you are okay…it’s the creepy ones we have to worry about. They really make all of humanity look like they should be smited out of existence. Sometimes it takes one bad seed to ruin it for everyone. Food for thought…