On Love and Other Things

A few years ago, I was reading “The Answer” by John Assaraf and Murray Smith.  It was a fresh look at how to incorporate “The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne into real-life business techniques. 

I didn’t get too far into the book, but there was one part that I’ll never forget.  Assaraf wrote about his own Motivation/Dream/Inspiration/Goal Board.  In it, he put a picture of a house that he liked, just because he wanted to own a house just like it one day.  Years later, the board got packed away.  He didn’t even think about the board again.

Ends up a decade or so later, he moved into a new home.  As he was unpacking his boxes, he came across his old Dream Board.  He then took a look at the house that was on his board and was shocked to discover that it was the exact same house he had just bought. 

When he put the picture of the house up on the board, he didn’t know where it was located.  He just liked the way it looked.  Never did he imagine that he would one day end up owning the exact same house in that picture.

He called into his universe exactly what he dreamed of having.

Inspired by his board, I decided to do a “Book of Dreams” quite similar to the one that Queen Latifah kept in the movie “Last Holiday.” 

Everything that I ever dreamed of wanting in life that I couldn’t even tell my best girlfriend…I put in that book.  It was a book I put together where I could be 100% honest with myself about what I wanted in life.  Sure, I want a house in Ireland overlooking the sea…and another one in Cote d’Azure, France. 

Sure, I want to have a major yogalicious body when I turn 40 years old. 

I want to cook and cook and cook up new recipes, because apparently I’m a pretty damn good cook and I love doing it.

When it came to what I was looking for in a man…I put down all of the qualities I was looking for in a guy, along with the type of relationship I would want to have with that person.  All of the qualities reminded me of one person…someone I knew already.  So I put a picture of that guy in my dream book and wrote “A guy just like HIM!”  I made sure the ARROW pointed right to that guy. 

He embodied all of the qualities I was looking for in a guy.  Little did I know that I wasn’t calling a guy into my universe just LIKE him…I was calling that exact same person in the picture into my universe. 

When I realized what I had done, I went home, tore up the part in my Book of Dreams about the kind of guy I was looking for and threw it in the trash.  I was horrified that I had called that exact person into my universe like that…and he was married! 

So now I live by the mantra…”Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get exactly what you asked for.” 

Really…I should have known better, but at the time, I was just discovering the secrets of the universe around us.  I had no idea just how powerful it was.

These days though…I actually ponder what happened in that instance.  Why had I called that exact person from the picture into my universe? 

Perhaps the reason why I called that person into my universe was really because he was exactly what I was looking for…and there’s no one else just like him.  There’s no carbon copy of the soul, it’s just him.

To this day, I have dreams that are so vivid and clear, like he’s really there.  Even in meditations, he’s in those meditations and I always ask why in the world God would show me some married guy.  It just seemed wrong.

It took a lot of meditation and a lot of questions before I could sort through what was going on.  It took some deciphering but then I realized that God was showing me my past lives in my meditations and dreams.  That’s why that soul is so relevant in this lifetime…he was in all of my past lifetimes.  We follow each other from one lifetime to the next.  The way God has described it to me in my meditations is that he is the first love and the last love in what is called the “infinity” love story.  We find each other in every lifetime.  We are drawn to each other no matter where the other one is…we are pulled to each other over time and space.

Last night, I actually dreamed that I had fallen asleep curled up in his arms on the couch.  I woke up, feeling him watching me sleep…and could hear him thinking, “Could this love be that real?  Could she really love me that deeply?” 

I think that’s what we’re all looking for is to love and be loved that deeply and truly.  That’s what the infinity love story has been about each lifetime.

When you feel that pull between two strangers, what does it mean?  When you feel something magical in the air…what is really happening?  Why is it happening?

I’ve been asking those questions for the last six years.

I’ve had people intervene that knew his side of the story and told me to stay away from him.  They told me everything he had said and how he had poured his heart out about how he felt about me.  They told me, “Stay away, because he’ll only end up hurting you.  You don’t deserve to be hurt like that.”

Others told me, “Stop encouraging him.” 

So I took their advice.  Now, when I see him, I pretend he doesn’t exist…like he’s not even in the same room as me.  It’s what rockstars in my past have called, “Turning the love off.”

It’s what I call…making the decision to move on in life.

Many of my friends have asked me if I was sure about leaving hockey writing.  I always reply that I’m very sure.  I want to focus on having a family, so I need to not work as much.  I’m 36 years old.  I have to make an effort to move my life in that direction.

I was reading this article by Polly Campbell called “Detoxify Your Thoughts.”  In her column, she talks about how we sabotage our goals and dreams.

 Perhaps you think you’re ready for a loving relationship, yet you work so much that you leave no time to date. Your current circumstance is a physical representation of the beliefs you hold. If you aren’t moving toward what you want, chances are an unconscious belief is catching you up. Often, Hendricks says, we don’t recognize our core beliefs until they create some negative results. Look closely at the results you’re getting — if they aren’t what you want go deeper and explore the beliefs behind them.

One of my co-workers recently made the decision to leave our office because of this reason.  She thought she worked too much and that was the reason why she could never keep a good relationship.  She made the decision to go someplace where she didn’t have to work weekends or the holidays…but she could enjoy life again, even if it meant taking a drastic paycut.

Living life meant more than working through life and never enjoying it.  So she made the change to make her dreams come true.

When I was in Europe and Africa this past September/October, I started to notice something strange going on in the universe around me.  Men were flocking up to me, asking me if I was married, doing these kind, gentlemanly things…things I would want out of a mate…I had to ask…why?  What’s going on?  Why is this happening now?

Am I calling this into my universe?

Next thing you know, I’m surrounded by wedding shops in Paris for an entire mile as I headed to the Sacre Coeur.  Trust me, it was the weirdest thing in the world!

Then the most unusual thing happened while I was in the Sahara Desert…I actually fell in love!  It was the oddest thing ever.  There is something magical about the Sahara.  You could be standing there one minute before God and all his wonders and then feel your heart and soul completely heal from that asshole that broke your heart…then you turn to your right and fall in love with the guy sitting right next to you! 

Like I said, it was the oddest thing ever because HE was a desert nomad.

Over these months, I really had to think about what I wanted as I embarked on my new adventure.  Did I ever want to get married?  Do I still want to have children? 

The Sahara taught me this…what was broken inside was now healed.  I have the capability of loving again and being loved.  That is what the future holds for me.

Now when I think back to that Book of Dreams…maybe I want those secret dreams to come true now.  Maybe the time has come to believe in LOVE.

It’s time for the real dream.

I had this dream about a house a few years back.  It was so real to me in the dream.  It was so vivid and clear.  I knew every detail of it all the way down to the kitchen and the way the backyard was laid out.  I couldn’t stop thinking about that house the next day, so I went online to look for it.

I went with my intuition…and I found it.  It was actually the first listing I saw, eighth house down on the list.  Cost of the house: $13,000,000.  Location: Alpine, New Jersey.

When I looked at the pictures, all I kept thinking was, “This is MY house!”  It was real.  It existed.  It was just like in my dream.

Why would God give you a dream that felt so real (and then you discover that the place actually existed) if it wasn’t meant to be yours?

That house has been in my Book of Dreams ever since I found it.

What finding that house meant to me…those vivid dreams that feel so real…there is a reality behind it…a truth.  IT EXISTS.  Even love between two people that is so vivid and clear…IT EXISTS.  It really is there. 

I read in a book once…can’t remember where…but the writer said that dreams are just a glimpse into another dimension of our soul.  We exist in separate dimensions and when we dream, we can see our soul in those other dimensions.  Maybe on this plane, we’re not together, but on other planes, we are.  Maybe on this plane, we’re not rockstars or famous actors.  On another plane, we are.

And when we dream…we get to see those lives that got to live their dreams.  It’s almost like in this scenario, it didn’t work, but in this other scenario, it did.  Then you wonder…was that really a past life, or just another life that succeeded in some other choose your own adventure book?

I realize after all of these years since I became a hockey writer that the whole point of my hockey adventure was to prove that dreams can come true in the most magical ways that you could ever imagine. 

It makes cracking open that Book of Dreams once again and making them come true more possible than ever.  It makes me realize that if I’m going to be 100% honest with myself, those are the dreams that mean everything to me and I have to give 100% of myself to making them come true…even without the pages I tore out of it.

I’m about to make my most outrageous dreams come true.  Why?  Because those dreams are the dreams that are at the core of my being and they deserve to come true more than any other dream.

And how do I plan on making these dreams happen?  Just read Polly Campbell’s article…they are the most important steps in making dreams come true. 

About Michelle Kenneth

Michelle Kenneth is the voice behind PerfectionistWannabe.com.