I was wondering when my magical karmic ride would start to fall. Sometimes when things seem too good to be true, you’re always waiting for that fall. I’ve been waiting for four years for that fall…and it finally came.
I keep thinking about how I used up all of that good karma I had banked up and wasted it on something I regret having wasted it on. In a way, it’s like a reflection of my life and how I bank up so many things and then waste it on something I don’t even need or want…or means nothing in the end.
I keep thinking about how I have to rebuild that good karmic balance again and never stop at banking up all of those good deeds. In other words, I don’t ever plan on spending what I banked up ever again. Why? Because I’ve learned that when you save up for a dream your entire life, sometimes when that dream arrives…it’s not what you wanted after all. You realize that the dream never changed…you have changed.
Coming down from my four year high on the universe, I got served with papers saying that I’m now the Republican Party’s material witness for something that took place 8-10 years ago…and the trial starts right around the time of my vacation. I started having dreams about the people I’ve left behind…the people you just want to shake and say, “You are so stupid when it comes to love!” I started getting wedding invitations from friends I left behind. I became confronted with my past…a world I never wanted to see again, let alone make it part of my present.
As I look across the ocean from the East Coast to the world that lies beyond, I realize that I can’t keep running from my past. I have to face it head on. While I could tell the Republican Party to f*ck off…I decided that I would help them with their litigation. Why? Because of what the case is really about. After all, the Republican Party was so kind to me for years…even though they knew I was not a Republican. I only wish the Democratic Party had been as kind to me as the Republicans were. How could I smack them in their face when they had never done anything wrong to me but only shown me kindness? I’ll have to become their material witness and see my name splattered across newspapers all across America.
Sometimes, even though you are in conflict with doing something you do not want to do, you still have to choose to do the right action. That is for the benefit of everyone. You have to sacrifice yourself for the betterment of society. You have to take your self out of what you want in order to help the multitudes.
You have to learn how to create the world you want to see around you.
Since I decided to forego love, romance and marriage, that means that I am ready to completely take on a new role in life. I had to keep revisiting the past, thinking it over and what had happened…what kept happening…I had to see my life from outside of the box to realize…everything is always the same. It never changes. Tragedy always creates the best love stories. Ironically, tragedy is the story in all of my love stories. Thank God I’m a writer, right?
I had to see my world from the outside. While I wanted to give blessings to the world of joy, happiness, peace and love, God asked me how I could give those blessings to others when I didn’t have it within myself. What I thought was joy, happiness, peace and love…just is not so. I don’t have any of those things anymore.
I had to ask when was the last time I did anything good for someone that wasn’t me. I actually couldn’t even come up with one example.
The things that once brought me joy, happiness, peace and love…they don’t anymore.
I had to ask myself a lot of questions, including that whole “Are you depressed?” “Are you stressed about something?” “What are you doing wrong in your life?”
About a decade ago, I discovered that when I shop to no end…until it actually hurts me…that means that I’m depressed. These days, it means that I’m really upset about something.
I stop eating. I start stressing. I can’t sleep at night and end up watching cartoons for most of the night. I slowly start to see everything spin out of control…because I’m hitting rock bottom.
It’s that fall that MUST happen before you can change your entire world and trade it in for something greater than you could ever imagine. People that aspire to greatness MUST fall in order to change the world. Paulo Coelho said that a person must fall 7 times in order to reach that greatness…with each fall, comes greater things…and they’re even better than the last.
So the next great climb for me…it’s what I call the New Heaven. I knew that while I was in Morocco, experiencing something very spiritual and very magical, that the end of my old life (as a hockey writer) would come to an end and a new life would emerge.
I saw the great things that would happen, but I also envisioned a New Heaven…a new Garden of Eden. I could see how amazing this place could become. Why? Because I could feel God everywhere. It was as if I was walking inside God’s heaven on earth. It’s talked about at the end of Revelations…the time when God will create a new heaven on a new earth. It talks of how this new place would appear where the sea had dried up. Morocco is the sea that dried up.
The people there talk about how one day water will flow through the desert again. They all speak about it as if it is a prophecy from God that they all know will one day come true. They have faith that it will come true. That is the destiny/fate of Morocco.
I felt like I had finally come home when I was in Morocco. I could feel God everywhere. I could see God in the people there. I could feel him in the wind and in every grain of sand. God was in Morocco. The telltale sign that he was truly there…it happened in Marrakech.
While I could relay to you what happened, you would think it couldn’t happen. All I can say is that the men in Morocco…the way they describe me to each other, they say “She’s special.” They mean this in the God sense, not in a man/woman sense. When I started speaking and understanding Arabic…quoting items from out of their Holy Book that I had never read before so that they could understand how they could best respond to a situation…they knew that I was different.
While they tried to suggest becoming Muslim, I actually had to look at them and say…”I will read your great book. I will learn from it. But you have to understand that I have evolved beyond this.”
I know Chrisitans mock Muslims in their faith. I don’t know why. Muslims are better Christians. They are stricter in their faith with God than Christians. There are still items that are left in the stone age, but over time, they will evolve. Sometimes it takes a miracle and someone so different to help a person understand God in ways they never imagined they could.
Morocco was a learning experience. It was like receiving my orders on where I was heading next…and what I would be committing myself to doing next. My job now is to create a new heaven on earth and that all starts by creating that new heaven within me.
You cannot bring forth happiness, joy, peace and love into the world when you do not have it within you. If you want the world to be filled with those things, you have to first be filled with those things…and then share it with the world.
How do you find those qualities? Through a lot of meditation, doing great service to God (aka performing good karmic actions), and doing things that can shape the world in those good karmic actions. You have to be in practice all of the time. Good thoughts. Good actions. Good karma.
You have to think beyond just the initial act. You have to think of how your one action can shape the world. When you give, make sure you give to the world in a way that will continue the good blessings into the world. It’s like the pay it forward concept…you do one good deed, make sure that good deed will inspire others to do good with that deed, and inspire others to do more good deeds and so on. That is the power of good karma…that also means that you have to discern which karmic action will have the biggest kick into the world.
If you want to live in heaven right now, you have to start NOW, and you start by looking within. What always determines your way into heaven are the actions you commit in this lifetime. If you hurt someone or do something bad, you will have to answer to everything. You will have to do so in life, as well as at the end.
Just imagine if you spent this life focused only on doing good and sharing that good with everyone around you…it is simpler to answer to the good that you did in life rather than the bad. Be mindful of your actions, your words, and your thoughts. Changing the world begins with how you think, how you react, and what you ultimately end up doing.
As my first task in how things change, I have to look within. I have to work on bringing myself back into that world of joy, happiness, peace and love. I have to think about doing that for myself first, so that I can actualy share those blessings with the world. As Christians say, “Let them see God shining through you.”
A Christian once asked me if I was Christian because every time she looked at me, she said that she could see God shining right through me…and all she wanted was to get to that place…where God is. She asked me how it was possible. I told her, “Stop being a Christian.”
Of course, she did not like what I had to say after that. Moral of the story is that you should never ask questions if you are not prepared for the answers.
People have this fear of being wrong about what they believe in. They choose blind faith rather than search for the answers. When Christians and Muslims alike talk to me about God, they usually are taken aback because I won’t say where I learned what I know. They simply either say they don’t understand…and then come back to me later to tell me that now they understand what I was saying. One friend told me that I was on a much higher plane than he was…he was just trying to get to that point and understand God the way that I do.
Muslims have said the same to me. The way I tell them to approach a situation is not only in agreement with their holy book, but it is also at a much higher plane than Islam. But they will tell you as simply as the Christians do…this is God’s way of handling things. It is the evolved way of thinking.
That is what we should all aim to be…evolved in God’s eyes. Religion does not work. People need it for whatever reasons…but there are some of us that look at people and say…I don’t understand the conflict. Why are you conflicted between doing right and wrong? If you know it is wrong, and against God’s will, why would you do it? You only do right.
Sure, mistakes can be made. But to make a conscious decision to hurt others or do wrong…just because you want to have fun…for some people there is no logic behind it. All we see is how much pain you not only inflicted upon yourself but onto others as well. That was your choice that you will spend eternity answering to that decision.
In my meditation last night, I was standing in a hallway speaking to God. Other angels were around us trying to talk to me about the things happening around me. I looked to the angel coming by on the right side of God and our eyes met. He was with others and was talking to them. He acknowledged me, and I looked away.
God felt the tension building, so he took me away from that scene and pulled me into a secret garden. He decided to talk to me first before allowing me to speak to that angel.
I know who that angel was. The last time he appeared in a meditation, he was angry with me. He yelled at me and asked me why I was not done with “them” yet. Why hadn’t I come home yet? Why did I love humanity so much? Why did I willingly choose humanity over heaven? It made no sense to him.
I could only respond, “My job is not done yet.”
This is something that has been said in many dreams and many meditations all throughout my life. I’ve had to answer to these questions in many dreams. My answer is always the same. My job is not done yet.
Even when I was shown why I was even in this lifetime to begin with, I remember walking with all of the souls that were heading towards the gates. An angel saw me walking with the masses and called for me to come over, saying that he had been looking for me.
I recognized him as a good friend. Someone I had known for a long time. He told me to get on the boat. He said that God wanted me to take the long way back up to make sure that I was truly done with humanity. He said that God wanted me to make sure that I was completely done.
He then said, “He’s waiting for you up there. Whatever you do, don’t get off the boat.”
I swore to him I would not get off the boat, because I knew he was talking about that angel.
The boat passed by man fighting man…killing each other for some dumb reason or another. I did not get off the boat.
I saw a child crying, dying of hunger. There are nations that have plenty, but they will not give to those who have nothing. If man does not care, why should I? I did not get off the boat.
Next, I saw a group of men on the shores. I called to the one…one I have known for many lifetimes. I yelled to him, “What are you doing?” I scooted over in my seat and patted it. I told him he should not be there. He should be with me, on our way to heaven. He had to get onto the boat.
He shook his head, no.
I asked him why.
He responded, “Don’t you understand? My work here is not done, yet.”
He reached out his hand to me…and I took his hand and got off the boat. You could hear a scream, “NO!” from the heavens above…and I was reborn.
That is why that angel has been so mad. Even my brother has seen him in his own dreams fussing over why I chose to remain here. Why was I not done with humanity yet? Oddly enough, when my brother told me of the dream he said, “I didn’t understand why you came back. Why would you choose earth over heaven? Better yet, why would you choose hell over heaven?”
I responded to him, “Simple. My job is not done.”
It was seeing that angel again in my meditation that I realized that the reason why so many things are the way that they are in this lifetime…he has played his hand in it. I have to take into account why he is doing those things in order to understand what I have to do next.
I have to make things right so that I will not get off that boat again. I will not feel compelled to save humanity from itself, because they would have the tools to save themselves.
It starts within each one of us. We have to learn to change ourselves before we can change the world. The kind of world I seek is that new heaven I keep seeing each time I think of the new journey I am about to embark upon. I have to look at the world as if I am creating heaven the way I see it, feel it, experience it and live it. I have to bring what I see into this world so that we can strive to bring heaven here.
So if I end up telling you soon that I’m going to plant my garden of Eden…you’ll understand…I have my reasons for doing so. That is how it all begins. This is the new journey I’m embarking upon…changing everything in this world, because I know I’m running out of time.