I was just telling someone the story of when my ex-boyfriend (someone 30 years older than me) popped the question the first time. I found out on Xmas Eve that he had cheated on me with a mutual friend of ours. I blew up. I had never been so mad in my life.
The next morning, I opened up all of my gifts (alone) and found a diamond ring (the ugliest looking ring I’ve ever seen in my life). He was planning on asking me to marry him on Xmas day.
Well, since we weren’t talking, the next day (12/26) I called up my friend and said that I needed to go to a certain store. She drove me there and I returned the ring (he was stupid enough to leave the receipt in the box), and I got myself something that I loved.
A month later, he thought things were cool again. He took one look at my finger and said, “Where’s the ring?” I told him I returned it and got something I really liked. Well, he blew up at me…I walked away…laughing all the way to the metro.
He wasn’t THE ONE, and I knew it.
My friend said to me today that was evil. I looked at him and said, “What part of ‘he slept with my friend’ do you not understand?”
I don’t think it was evil…I call it payback for being an asshole. And you want to know how I found out…he said that he had slept with a woman who lived around the corner from where we were at that moment. He said he had tried to have a relationship with her…blah blah blah…
Now, anyone that knows me knows that I’m hearing a totally hidden conversation there…that person he was talking about (without saying who it was) was my friend…and she had tried to tell me before that he had been coming by the house. All of the pieces fit together in that one moment and to see that man turn ghostly white when I responded to his story saying…”You’re talking about [MY FRIEND]. You fucking slept with [MY FRIEND].”[Note to men…don’t tell half truths or lies to me…I’ll hear the whole story that you’ve gathered to the forefront of your brain.]
Needless to say, I left him. He proposed another 2 times after that…all negative responses from me. He wasn’t THE ONE and I knew I was only using him to pass the time until I was ready for THE ONE.
I was in my early 20s…I still had a lot to learn from life.
Fast forward to present day…
Over the weekend I had this odd fascination with Christopher Reeve. It had started off just innocent, watching “Somewhere In Time” (a movie I had ordered recently that was piled up waiting to be watched). I sat there watching the movie, remembering sitting on the couch next to my pregnant mother, at the age of 5, watching this movie.
It was my first ‘romance’ film. I remember sitting there and thinking “WOW…that was such a beautiful story.” Christopher Reeve…he was something else. So beautiful.
I didn’t grow up with fairy tales being read to me by my parents. My mother was an immigrant and could barely speak English. My father…didn’t acknowledge my existence. So I was left with the random stories I read on my own (like Twas The Night Before Christmas) and old movies that they showed on television in the suburbs of Chicago.
I didn’t have fairy tales of princesses meeting their prince charming. I had Christopher Reeve going back in time to find a woman he believed he was fated to love. That was my fairy tale.
I watched the documentary behind the film after watching the movie over the weekend and just sat there in wonder, watching Christopher Reeve talk about this film while he was in his wheelchair. It just made me sad, because of the story that happened after the film. The accident. The confinement to a wheelchair. His death. Then his wife died right after from lung cancer. Such a tragic story.
But in the end…this is a story about fate and love.
After the film, I cracked open the 4 pack movie of Superman 1-4 and watched them all over the weekend. I loved seeing NYC in the 70s and 80s. It’s even more fun watching how some of the styles came back in style recently.
After the Reeve marathon was over, I felt like I needed to read “From the Ashes of Angels” (a book that dives into cultural and historical references of angels on earth). I went to the shelf where it was ‘supposed’ to be and it wasn’t there.
I looked all over the apartment for it and couldn’t find it. Before I could go nuts, I centered myself and decided to let my intuition be my guide. I’d let my sixth sense find the book for me.
I stood in my office and then looked at the desk I was planning on giving away to charity. I looked underneath it and didn’t see it. But then my eyes looked up at the drawer and I saw what could be my missing book.
I pulled out my other desk so I could get to the drawer and pulled out the Bible. I can’t tell you how long I’ve been looking for that wretched book. I reached in and tried to pull out another book. Because of it’s size…it was a feat.
By the time I finally got that book out from the drawer, I looked at it and thought…I totally forgot I had this book. That book ended up being the Egyptian Book of the Dead. The last book I was able to find was “From the Ashes of Angels.”
Before I had started looking for Ashes, I had picked up my copy of Carl Jung’s memoirs to finish reading this week. I had opened up a page with a sticky note on it where I had highlighted a section that said that Carl Jung had returned to archaeology.
I stood there thinking…that’s weird. I had just returned to archaeology as well and was looking forward to my adventures in Morocco. Odd that I would read that from the man who developed the theory on synchronicity. Which means…I was having a serious synchronistic moment at the time.
I grabbed Ashes and Jung’s memoirs and headed into the living room where I had pulled a few other books to read and research. I picked up “The Love Spell” (a memoir written about finding love). As I was reading the first chapter, the author started talking about all of these synchronistic moments that had happened to her. In order to understand them, she had picked up Carl Jung’s book and the Egyptian Book of the Dead.
Now…HOW FREAKED OUT DO YOU THINK I WAS? I had just touched those books within the last few hours before picking up “The Love Spell” to read.
The author went on to talk about how James Dean kept coming up in her everyday life…like something was happening. It kept coming up everywhere. Then I sat there thinking…Christopher Reeve???
We call this synchronicity. The story she tells is her journey into finding her ‘fated’ THE ONE.
It’s interesting to see how my spiritual practices, wicca, yoga, meditation, tai chi, etc. are all connected. I think a lot of people are drawn to this because it’s the universe’s ‘desire’ for those people to find greater meaning within themselves without needing religion to find GOD.
Some people need religion in order to understand HOW to live RIGHT. Others don’t need it because it is ingrained within them what is right and what is wrong and what can happen when you do wrong.
I’ve always talked about the magic in the universe. I’ve sensed where some beliefs can go wrong…and I hear within my own soul that there is a need to combine all of the faiths in spirituality in order to truly understand God.
For instance, let’s take the forbidden practice of tantra. This yoga form was basically killed off many centuries ago. The practice and practitioners were exterminated. Their temples were left for the jungle’s inhabitants to take over it…until one day an archaeologist found these temples laden with sexual acts in the most bizarre forms molded into the temple walls.
This discovery allowed for a new yoga practice to emerge called tantric sex. It is the ability to reach heightened states of awareness (enlightenment) through sexual acts (with your partner).
If you can believe it, the Mayans detested that group and spanned off into the lower regions of South America to study God in a different light. That became the study of astrology and medicine.
The Atlanteans practiced another form of spirituality with crystals…a connection with what would be EARTH as a power source to enlightenment.
Each faction separated off, detesting the other group’s way to enlightenment, thinking that the other group was completely wrong.
But they were all wrong. You need them all to reach complete awareness. Just like you need to understand plants and how a simple plant can heal you, you need to be able to read the stars to understand the universe, and you need sex in meditation in order to reach complete enlightenment…because it all returns to what we’re all looking for LOVE, PEACE and HARMONY in our universe. All religions speak of love and peace and harmony…but they don’t quite reach it. There’s that DESIRE for those things, but they sacrifice their own desires in order to find that passion in love, that passion in peace and that passion in harmony.
There are things in this universe that are unexplainable, but magical. Jung spent most of his life trying to explain the unexplainable in scientific terms and always coming to the same conclusion…you can’t scientifically prove it, but it exists.
After 100 pages into “The Love Spell” I realized that the reason why Christopher Reeve had been so prevalent this weekend was because his archetype had manifested itself in my life. It is mirroring not only myself, but what I’m looking for in a mate. More specifically, a soulmate.
Reeve embodies the ‘hero’ archetype. Superman is the perfect hero to me. Do you know how easy the world would be if we had a Superman? Not only by day did he act like this cute, nerdy guy that went to work as a reporter, by night he ran around the world trying to save it (causing mischief at times). He was like a ditzy blonde pretending like they were a complete idiot, but really they’re super smart underneath that facade (see Superman 3, that blonde was highly intelligent, she just played dumb).
Do you see a resemblance in there? Reporter…always fighting for truth, justice and the American way…
Superman is in a way the archetype of my own personality. Before I became a hockey writer, I was trying to save the world before Lex Luthor (aka George W. Bush) made me doubt that I could. He undermined all of my initiatives. If I was trying to rid the world of landmines, he’d push through a bill to make more for use by our military. If I was trying to help women and girls from being a victim of violence, he’d push through bills that helped enslave women in America to their husbands. If I was promoting peace, he went to war with another country. If I banned oil, he…well, you get my point.
That man made me cry. It’s like…why am I trying to save the world when this asshole keeps undermining every single thing that I’ve done? That’s when I walked away from trying to save the world.
That’s actually why I write now. First, if you want to change the world, you have to be the change the world seeks. Second, when you are the change, you can change people one at a time. Let them see God through you. Let them be inspired to change the world because you’ve inspired them to do so. That is how you change the world. Give them the tools, and they will change the world with it.
The book I’m writing…it’s meant to change people and inspire them to greatness. That’s why I’m constantly researching and learning things…and opening my mind to possibilities.
I’m trying to describe my world. It’s tapped into that magical realm.
But as past readers have read, I don’t believe in fate and love. Love is dangerous. It can destroy you.
My Tarot cards keep coming up as ‘disbelief in fate.’ It’s been that way for the past six months. It came up that way again last night. But this time the changing factor is to believe in fate. That will determine my path when it comes to love. If I believe in fate…THE ONE will come.
What’s triggered all of these synchronistic moments was something that happened last week. [Oh god, I hope he doesn’t read this…]
Back in the 80s, I had the biggest crush on Thaao Penghlis. I used to love him in Mission Impossible. When they canceled the show, he went into soaps…and there I never saw him on television again.
On Thursday, I was going through my list of new followers and saw that Thaao had started following me on Twitter. I was sitting there thinking NO FRIGGIN WAY! It can’t be that guy from Mission Impossible I was madly in love with in my tweens.
Sure enough it was. He had found me on Twitter. Thaao Penghlis had found ME.
Thank goodness for Google. I googled that hot Australian and discovered that he had a love for archaeology (do you know how hard it is to find a man that’s INTO archaeology?). Not only that, but his pictures on his website…I’d been to all of those places. I’m not done yet…he’s in New Jersey now.
I thought…how freakishly odd and synchronistic. Since then, the synchronistic events have kept on rolling in. All because that guy I had a HUGE crush on back in the 80s found me on Twitter and started following me. So random and out of the blue…but that’s the way the universe works.
Since then, the synchronistic movements started to roll. From Reeve to the books, etc. I believe this is the universe’s way of intervening into my life and making me believe in FATE again.
I’ve always remarked that I’ve had this ability to bring people into my world. All of those people I admired or adored growing up, I’ve met in a strange way. From Amy Tan to the friggin President of the United States (trust me, it wasn’t a pleasant meeting), to Laurence Fishburne, Harrison Ford and Eve Ensler…we won’t even get into the hockey people (that’s a universe within its own).
I read that the reason why this happens, it all revolves around our energy. We have the energy to draw people into our world. My energy is the most obscure beacon (aka lighthouse) out there that draws the most random people into my world…including the guy I had the biggest crush on when I was a kid. Even Markie Post (Night Court) had commented on that energy. She came right up to me out of nowhere.
I remember when I met the US Secretary of Transportation, he spent the longest time talking to me. He saw me at a party at a different time and came up to me and chatted with me because I was the only person he recognized (that man knew who I was, where I worked…the whole CIA/FBI file).
That is my world. I draw people into it.
I think this whole past week is really the universe’s way to intervene into my notions about love and fate. My horoscope said not too long ago that I had to remember…everything happened exactly the way it was supposed to. He really wasn’t THE ONE. He was meant to pave way for THE ONE.
There really is some Christopher Reeve out there searching for me…that guy that believes in FATE. He’s that guy that I’ll say, “Is it you?” And he’ll do everything to prove that it is him. He’d travel through time just to prove it.
Sometimes I think I’ve already met him, but because of the obstacles, I doubt he’s THE ONE, even if I feel that magic bubbling up. Even when others remark on that magical feeling…that there’s something there…I try to pretend it’s not about us. It’s that electrical feeling that you feel from across the room when they look at you…as if there’s something special about them.
It’s that walking together along the street where you feel like you’ve known that person all of your life and you were just picking your conversation up from the last conversation you were having…in the last lifetime. It’s that person you see in your meditations, standing in a field of sunflowers with you, being at peace and knowing the world is a beautiful place now that the two of you are together.
That guy…he’s fate. He’s the one I’ve seen in my dreams and in my meditations. He’s the one I’ve followed into this lifetime and will into the next. He’s that first love from eons ago, and the only true love in every lifetime.
We all aim to find that one person. Fate pushes and pulls you towards each other (even if you don’t believe in it) because you never know if that other person is praying that you’ll change your mind and love them and believe in the impossible that it is indeed a possibility.
Believing in fate is probably the hardest thing to do, but the universe will intervene when that other person really wants you to believe in it. To be truthful, I think we all want to believe in the impossible…even for those of us who stopped believing in it.
So where is all of this synchronicity leading to? Only time will tell.[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=etFtBxj9_f4]