Welcome to the first Monday of 2010.
While I’ll finish up Shanny’s 21 Days this month (my first resolution of 2010)…there are also some other things on the resolution calendar this year for me.
Right now, the thing that is stressing me out (and I’m getting overly excited for) is my first Black and White Ball. Not only am I excited that I’ll be able to wear a gown I purchased 10 years ago (likelihood of no one wearing the same dress as me is pretty high), but it also means that I’ll be rubbing elbows with the elite of New York.
I was a bit shocked when I received the invitation. I remember a few years ago when I first came to NYC, my boss (at the time) realized from the start that I was a socialite. He told me that it was very hard to break into the NY socialite circle, but if I wanted to return to being a socialite, he’d be willing to introduce me into the circle…BUT it wouldn’t be a nice circle.
I’m sure if you’ve seen Gossip Girl or any rich hobnobby type movie, you’ll understand that the NY elite is very cut throat. So why are they inviting a hockey columnist?
I guess it’s hard to explain. It has a lot to do with my past, the things I’ve done, the heritage, the family, the politics, the who you know…the what I’ve done…what I’m going to do…
Yeah…there’s a lot that goes into it.
When I first came to NYC, I didn’t want to return to the socialite circle…not until I was ready. So now the time has come to officially introduce myself to the NY society…as a writer, photographer, artist and philanthropist. Notice that I did not say as a hockey columnist.
Truthfully, not too many socialites care about the ‘hockey’ part.
Does this mean I’m going to turn into something I’m not? Ummm…no.
Which leads me to a dream I had last night about becoming.
I happen to be doing some research on the topic of LOVE for both books I’ve been working on. I was a bit astonished to find out that a dream I had about the origins of love happens to actually be based on a true story. Imagine my surprise that I’d learn this from a Hebrew mystic in the book “The Mystery of Love.”
I had only read a couple of chapters last night, but it made me dream of my past. I had to keep waking up, because it kept turning into a nightmare.
I dreamed about my time in Indiana and trying to escape it and head to NYC. There were so many things that were inhibiting me from leaving the state. Even my first boyfriend as an adult entered the dream…spouting how he loved me and why couldn’t we work things out?
My emotions then were…like I care how you feel about me. Long story but trust me…he wasn’t the one (he was one of those guys that proposed a couple of times…when I saw the ring the second time…it was a definite NO…it was the ugliest ring in creation that was totally not me at all…if the ring doesn’t reflect me as a person then how can I believe that he even knew who I was).
When I woke up this morning, snug and in my bed, in the life that I was really wanting, I couldn’t help but realize that there were struggles to get there. There was a time where everywhere I turned, I just couldn’t get to NYC. Finally, the day came and I went there.
I had loves that didn’t jive with me anymore. I moved on because they were things that I didn’t need in my life.
It just reminded me of where I’ve been, where I’ve come from, and laying in my bed this morning…realizing who I’ve become.
Life is a journey. When it’s time to become the person you’ve always dreamed you would be, it takes time. There are obstacles along the way. There are times where you feel like nothing is going your way. There will be a day that you can finally break free and run like hell to your destination.
But then there will be one day where you will wake up hating your life and realize…it was just a dream about your past. That was where you came from. Now look at what you have become…you love and appreciate this life even more than you did when you closed your eyes the night before.
Sometimes you have to remember the bad, so you can appreciate the good in life.