NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

Since this gained a lot of popularity on Twitter, I thought I’d put it all in one place for everyone. [With some noted commentary.]

And guys…this really is the true meaning behind what we say. Seriously! It’s a universal language amongst womankind.

(1) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

[Enough said. Granted, I always made my point very clear when I am really mad by chopping off my hair. That won the argument every single time. It also meant…don’t piss Michelle off or she’ll make you feel really sorry for it. Hair is the strongest weapon I’ve got.]

(2) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

[Hockey guys…this is the same thing as 5 minutes in a hockey game. It’s not rocket science…it’s easy math. 5 minutes in hockey, is 5 minutes in hockey. 5 minutes to get dressed, is 5 minutes to get dressed. What’s not to understand?

Well, if I have to play it out for you…how many timeouts, line changes, puck drops, commercial breaks, etc. take place within 5 minutes on the clock? 5 minutes of real time is what? 20 seconds off the clock? Enough said.]

(3) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission Don’t Do It!

[How many men really go ahead? LOL. If you don’t want to hear “I told you so” don’t do it.]

(5) Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

[*sigh* If you hear me sigh very loudly…run. I don’t recommend sticking around to see what comes next unless you’re really looking for a death wish. Last guy to hear me sigh was some Indian guy on the bus trying to tell the bus driver off because he didn’t like his driving. The bus driver refused to move, turned the bus off and said that we’re sitting there until the Indian guy shut up. Stupid Indian guy wouldn’t shut up. I was tired, hungry and needed to get home.

The sigh came and the words followed. Indian guy was ready to turn around and tell me off, but took one look at me, apologized very quickly, sat down and shut up. Smart guy…]

(6) That’s Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

[What’s funny about this…when ex-rocker bf got a “That’s Okay” from me after he told me he wanted to work things out with some girl (and still stick with me)…10 months later, he thought I was moving to our new locale in California. He found out a week after I moved out there that there was a card in the mail thanking him for all of the times we had together. Then he got the email where I cc’d all of his friends that said, “I didn’t move to California. I moved to NYC.” Then I blocked his email so that he could never contact me again.

See what happens when you get that response…long, thought out process that’s going to royally screw you over.]

(7) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’ , that will bring on a ‘whatever’)

[Please, don’t ever say “You’re Welcome” after getting that sarcastic “Thanks a Lot!” unless you really are asking for a death wish.]

(8) Whatever : Is a woman’s way of saying GO TO HELL

[I use this a lot towards men that I think are idiots that are trying to pick me up with some stupid cheesy line and I’m really trying not to punch their lights out from the sheer annoyance accumulating when they haven’t taken the not so subtle hint when I say, “Please remove yourself from my presence NOW.”]

(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to # 3.

[I used this line on my boss recently…he got scared and begged me not to do it…]