The Joy Project: How to Find Joy In Your Life

3 August 20173 August 2017

Are you unhappy with how things are going in your life? Do you have dreams you want to accomplish, but can’t seem to figure out where to start? Is everything not turning out the way you want it to?

What if I told you that there is a way you can turn that life you do not want completely off? You can go to the next chapter of your life or start an entirely new book. What if there is a way you can make your dreams come true by changing how you are doing things right now?

The Secret

In my quest into learning how to live and have a better life, I watched “The Secret” on Netflix. I read the book ten years ago and decided to refresh my memory on the importance of thinking positive all of the time. After watching the film, I felt refreshed and happier. I realized what I could do to change my narrative and become the person I dreamed of being.

I decided to take what I learned from this refresher course and do life differently. I created a new mission and called it The Joy Project.

This project is designed to reshape how we view everything in life. Rather than seeing a pile of dishes in the sink, I ask myself now, “What will bring me joy?” As I wash each dish, I think of how a clean spotless kitchen will bring me joy, which in turn creates a better atmosphere while I do a mundane task.

As I continue to think of joy and create affirmations on the importance of living a joyful life, I find that I don’t remember washing that last dish. I just feel happy and filled with joy before I even realize the kitchen is now spotless. I went through and cleaned every single surface without even thinking about it, because I was so focused on what would bring me joy: a spotless kitchen.

Procrastinate No More

Each time I walk into the kitchen now, I feel joy at seeing clean, clutter-free counters, a shiny microwave, and everything in its place. My kitchen is now impeccably spotless (for the first time ever). If something strikes me as not being joyful (like a dirty floor), it bothers me. It will continue to bother me until it is spotless.

Trust me, I am a procrastinator just like most people. It is a little trait I have been trying to fix since I was in college. I will walk by that same spot for weeks thinking I really should get to that before I actually do. With The Joy Project, I started to look at procrastination differently. I started to see how I was hurting myself and that was not something I wanted to do anymore. I cannot have what I want (a spotless home) if I keep putting things off.

Procrastination, in a large way, brings us sorrow. Putting things off as if we will have forever to do them is a fallacy that we must fix in our minds. We are only promised the present, not the future. If we want joy, we must focus on bringing joy into our lives now, not tomorrow.

One book that really helped me redefine how I do things is The 5 Second Rule. If you find yourself putting things off all of the time, you must read Mel Robbins’s book. She teaches you how to turn your life around. Instead of putting things off, countdown from 5 to 1 and then get moving.

This book really helps in the morning. For me, as a writer, I try to wake up early so I can write. In the past, when that alarm went off, I immediately turned it off and went back to sleep, waiting for the real alarm at 7 a.m. Now, I lament for one second that it is time to get up before I start the countdown: 5-4-3-2-1 and go.

When you stop procrastinating, you stop creating sorrow for yourself. There is a sense of joy when you get things done and not wait until later to do them.

Testing Out the Theory

When I first started this project, I wrote out a list of affirmations. I focused on the things I wanted out of life, thinking over how to say those affirmations in the most positive way. Like most people, my first affirmation was about wealth and increasing it. The only way I could do that was to create positive vibes all around me as I repeated the mantras.

On the first day, I focused on creating joy in my life, because the way the law of the universe works is that the things you want most out of life comes to you quicker when you are happy, joyful, and positive. I went through that pile of dishes thinking of the word ‘joy’ and what it meant to me. What is joy? I repeated to myself: “I welcome joy into my life.”

I wanted to create joy and surround myself in it, repeating the word ‘joy’ over and over again. Before I knew it, the kitchen was spotless.

I didn’t even stress over how much of a disarray it was in before I started. I actually felt like I upped my cleaning game without even noticing. Everything was exactly the way I hoped it would be. I could feel happiness brimming over with so much joy every single time I looked at my spectacularly clean counters. I never thought they would ever look so clean and uncluttered.

The funny thing about this is that I focused on joy, not cleanliness. I took the concept of joy and told myself I will be happy if my home is spectacularly clean and beautiful like we see in magazines and Instagram photos. By focusing on joy, I lost sight of the labor and what I was doing. When I stopped, I realized what I did, how focusing on joy actually helped me bring actual joy into my life.

It Takes a Lot of Work, Baby!

Creating joy in your life takes a lot of work. A LOT OF WORK. The reason why it is so difficult is because our minds are trained to think and absorb the negative easily. Every day, our thoughts tend to lean towards anger, dissatisfaction, and annoyance. We pass judgment and are demeaning to ourselves many times before we even walk out the front door.

Joy does not come easily. You have to work for that joy you ultimately want. By constantly keeping your thoughts in check, you will be able to change the negative narrative into a positive one. You have to reteach yourself how to think better thoughts.

It is easier to think negatively, but with lots of practice, you will be able to switch that thought process. Thinking positively all of the time will become easier than thinking negative. That is and always should be your goal in life…to think, be and feel positive all of the time.

With “The Secret,” you create positive affirmations to ask for what you want. So while you are asking the universe for X, you will get an answer on how to accomplish X. It always requires you to take advantage of the answers that come your way, but it still requires you to do the work to get what you’re asking for.

For instance, after two weeks of doing the affirmations and constantly thinking about joy, the answer came to me on how I would generate more wealth. The blog!

I instantly netted three new sponsors, one of them a major sponsor. I surpassed my monthly hustle financial goal, doubling it. Google sent me a letter asking me where to send the check to (i.e. the site made money). The answer to creating the wealth I wanted was presented to me and I ran with it. I know that in order to really get what I want in the end, I have to work extremely hard for it. The universe presented me with the solution on how I was going to accomplish my dream. I put a lot of work into it and the universe rewarded me accordingly.

Creating Joy Begins Inside

I firmly believe that the first place you need to create joy is inside of your home. Begin by repeating the word joy in your mind. I repeat to myself, “I am creating joy.” I branch off to say where I am creating joy, how I am sharing it within my home and with the world (because the universe looks favorably on sharing good things with the world).

I express gratitude around me for the things I am fortunate to have, the wealth I already have, and the dreams I already accomplished. Being thankful increases my wealth of joy.

Every morning, I practice meditation and mindfulness by repeating my positive affirmations of what I want in life. I say them out loud in the shower and repeat them over and over in my head as I commute to work. While I do each task, I remind myself that I do this with joy.

When I sit down at my desk, I write down in a notebook: “What will bring me joy today?” I create my joy to do list (which essentially is my to do list), and how completing those tasks will bring me joy. For instance, finishing X project means I will not worry later, wondering if I did it or not. It means finishing this now will be one less thing I have to do later.

In everything you do, tell yourself how doing each task will bring you joy. You will find the task much easier to do, and the feeling of happiness that you will feel after you complete it will help you increase your joy. In the long run, it will help push you further to making your affirmations become reality.

How Does This Equate to Accomplishing Your Dream?

Think about it. Living your dream means you will be happy, right? It will bring you immense joy, correct?

If you are putting in the work to help make your dreams come true, you need to focus on the joy and happiness that will come by making that emotion happen now and throughout the process. That is part of the journey. Start with the world around you by inserting joy into your thoughts and how you approach every single thing you do.

Most of all, you will begin to see your world change. The way you view life will be anew. You will begin to see those positive affirmations coming true sooner, rather than later. As a result, those wealth affirmations you keep repeating may start seeing some actual zeros in your bank account.

The universe rewards those putting out positive energy and doing good things for the world. Creating joy in your own life spills over into the world around you. It helps other people find their own moment of happiness. It is like you are bestowing a gift of joy onto other people, and that actually makes the world into a better place.

Action Item: Start Small

Through God all things are possible. You’ve heard that, right? If you really want to create the most powerful affirmations, you create them with God. If you don’t believe in God, stick to “The Secret” version of things. If you believe in God (not talking about Jesus, Buddha, Krishna, etc.), then you must start your affirmations with Him.

In Brahma Kumari’s murlis (i.e. God’s words), we know that if you remember God in everything that you do (because He is the embodiment of love, peace and joy), then you will be entitled to your own fortune. He will take great care of you by rewarding you for your service to him and to the world.

This knowledge can be applied to every religion. If you approach everything you do by remembering God, then you will create joy at a much higher level.

For instance, the way I approach how things are done in my home is by thinking of God while I clean. Is this home worthy of God? If I were to invite God to live with me in my home, would I be proud of the way things look? Is my home worthy of God?

It’s not just about making things clean. It’s about creating an atmosphere, or a sort of energy, that embodies the same virtues God has.

In creating joy, start with these action items.

Meditate when you first wake up in the morning. This is not prayer. Meditation is the act of silencing your mind and going within. If this is your first time, close your eyes. Think of the word joy and what it means to you. Sit there and contemplate that word for one minute, gradually working your way up to ten minute meditations. This is about learning how to make your mind powerful.
Start creating joy in everything you do by starting in your home. A happy home is a healthy home. With everything you do, practice mindfulness. Concentrate on what you are doing and incorporating the thoughts of joy and what it means to you.
As you shower, say your affirmations out loud. For instance, “I attract a positive flow of wealth to me every single day.” Whatever it is that you are dreaming of. Start saying your affirmations over and over again in the most positive way that you can. Make sure there are no negative words in your affirmations or it will conflict with what you are trying to accomplish.
On your commute, repeat the affirmations over and over again in your mind.
When you sit down to work, write in a notebook: “What will bring me joy today?” Write down your to do list and think of how tackling each item will bring you joy. How can you reward yourself for a job well done?
As you go throughout the day, try eliminating negative thoughts from your mind and replacing them with positive thoughts. Your mind must be constantly positive. If you notice you are starting to think negatively, take a step back, acknowledge this is happening and immediately focus on something positive. This is about training yourself to stop thinking negatively and to start focusing on being positive.
Don’t forget to share your gratitude with the universe. Say it in your mind. Write it down. However you like to do it, share with the universe everything you are already grateful for.
But most of all, smile. Be happy. Let that joy be your mission. What’s the point of having a dream if it does not bring you joy? Focus on the joy first, then go after your dream. Having your mind in the right place from the beginning will help you make the correct decisions in the long term to making your dream come true in such a way that it will be way better than you could ever imagine it to be. That’s the dream you want to live.

How to Declutter Your Life Part One

10 January 2016

As part of a new series this year, I wanted to share with you how I am decluttering my life. This is a five month series. For those who want to take the steps to begin decluttering your life, count on this being a six month life plan to commit to this year. You’ll need the extra month to truly put this plan into effect.

ESSENTIAL MATERIALS: Make sure to pick up a copy of The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing. This is one of the most important books in understanding the points we’ll be covering over these next five months. Also make sure to have a journal to record your progress.

Step 1. Tackle Your Wardrobe

One of my resolutions is to be more of a minimalist. To have fewer, but better things. I started to embrace this change back in November. So where does one begin?

I decided I needed a change after realizing that the reason why I was not able to do the things I wanted to do was because I found myself so overwhelmed at home doing project after project, cleaning one room after the other with no end in sight, that I was spending most of my time cleaning rather than doing the things I wanted to do. I made excuses on why I couldn’t do X, Y and Z because I just felt so overwhelmed. I was drowning and I needed to find a way out of it.

I had heard about the Japanese art of decluttering. There were numerous bloggers posting up how they had not only minimized their closets, but were able to find a new way to organize their things. The decluttering bible they were using as their guidebook was The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing.

My closet was overflowing. Clothes were piled up sky high on the dresser. I was running out of space to put my clothes, so I ordered a new wardrobe unit, thinking that would get a handle on things. I ordered storage boxes, thinking I could get some sort of handle on the off-season clothing.

No matter what I did, I couldn’t get a handle on my wardrobe.

I ordered Marie Kondo’s book and absorbed it within a couple of days. I set forth and started to put her methods to work.

So it begins…

As you read through the book, make sure you have a journal.

Ask yourself how you envision your perfect home. Is it light and airy? Is it calm and peaceful? Feminine? Modern? Clutter-free? Everything in its place?
When you answer this question, make sure you are very descriptive with your vision.

Now that you have an ideal of what you ultimately want, let’s start decluttering by going through your wardrobe. Have trash bags and boxes handy. For the items you are tossing, you’re going to need three categories: TRASH, TO DONATE, and TO SELL.

Marie Kondo suggests that you go through each item by category. Tops are all in one pile. Pants in another pile. Coats in another pile. And so on.
After you have separated each item into their respective categories, go through each pile by touching each item, looking at each item and deciding if this item brings you joy. If not, throw it into either one of the three toss piles. It’s easy to decipher if an item brings you joy or not. If it does not bring you joy, it goes. If it doesn’t fit well, it goes. If it’s too tight, toss it. If it’s too big, toss it. If it’s got a hole in it or it’s pilling, toss it. If you don’t feel good wearing it, toss it. Only keep the items that make you feel confident in yourself when you wear it.
When you toss, items like underwear, seriously damaged clothing, etc. should be thrown in the trash. Items that someone can use again, but are not re-sellable, should go in the donate pile. For those that you can resell, place in the sell pile.

These are the basic rules to decluttering your wardrobe.

Does it bring you joy? Keep only the things that fit well. Keep only the things that make you feel amazing. Get rid of the stuff that doesn’t make you feel great when you wear it. Underwear that rides up, make sure you toss it. Do not downgrade items to your ‘lazy days’ pile. Nothing should be downgraded to keep.

I have been guilty of downgrading clothing to the lazy days pile. Those drawers couldn’t hold all of the downgraded tshirts, tank tops and pants anymore. One thing Marie Kondo said in her book that really stuck with me is that in our well-groomed dream homes, we should also be well-groomed to show respect to ourselves. We shouldn’t downgrade ourselves to wearing tossed clothing that wasn’t good enough to wear out. We should upgrade our lounge wear so that we still look amazing when we answer the surprise knock at the door.

That doesn’t mean sacrificing your comfort. There’s plenty of lounge wear out there that will not only look amazing on you, but you will feel completely comfortable in.

Since going through your entire wardrobe might be a little daunting at first, give yourself a week to go through each category of your wardrobe. Start with the off-season clothing first. That, in itself, can be a category.

If you are short on time, and you separate your clothing by drawers already, make it a point to go through one drawer at a time. I started off by going through my main closet first, then each night after that for a month, I went through each drawer, box, cabinet, etc. by category.

I ended up donating five large bags of clothing, two large bags went into the trash. Another 3 boxes were for resale.

If you are like most fashionistas, you may have a certain type of collection, whether they be purses, shoes, belts, sunglasses, etc. Leave going through your collection for the last category to declutter in your wardrobe. You want to start with items that you are not 100% attached to.

For me, I have a purse collection. I have 2 large bookshelves, along with another two three cubby cases filled with handbags. I saved this collection for the very last when I decluttered my wardrobe for one simple reason…it’s difficult to part with a collection you take pride in.

I went through every single bag and tried to decide whether they gave me joy or not. By the time I was done, I had pared my collection down to 75 hand bags. This may seem like a lot, but to me, it isn’t. This is a collection, after all. Kondo says that you need to keep paring down until you get to that point where you feel like what you have is exactly the amount you feel happy with. After all, the whole point in the Japanese art of decluttering is to surround yourself with the things that bring you joy. Handbags bring me joy. 75 bags were the right amount. 76 bags was too much. 75 is the right fit for me.

I ended up donating two garbage bags worth of handbags. I ended up having one trash bag of handbags that I could resell.

By the time I was done, I was happy with the amount I kept and with the ones I decided to keep. I did buy two new handbags after I decluttered. I asked myself what was missing from this collection. I was missing Chanel from the collection, so I ordered two new Chanel handbags (one for the evening, one for the day) to complete the collection. I have a few bags designed like the Celine Luggage bags. I decided that this year, I would make it a goal tied in with my resolution to read 52+ books this year, the reward would be a Celine Luggage bag. I wanted to make it a goal instead of just going out and buying it. I wanted to earn that bag this year, because I’m trying to rid myself of a bad habit of buying what I want when I want it. That mentality is what got me buried underneath so much stuff I was drowning in it. This was my first step in creating change.

After I complete my goal, I’ll buy the bag and then part with all the other bags that are similar to the Luggage. It will be an upgrade of a design I love, so there’s no reason to keep the downgraded versions. It will also help keep me under that 75 bag maximum.

The reason why I mention how I’m adding to the colleciton is because in the art of decluttering and using Marie Kondo’s method called “KonMari” (a play on her name), you are trying to minimize everything. You’re not trying to declutter and then go back to those bad habits again. I know that in the past when I decluttered my wardrobe, I’d end up looking at it and going, “Oh, I’m missing X.” So I’d go out and buy three times more stuff than what I just got rid of. It’s a dangerous cycle. KonMari has been the only thing I’ve come across that doesn’t just declutter but it stops you from falling back into those traps again.

When I decluttered my wardrobe there are a few things that happened that I didn’t expect. I had pared everything down to only those items that were perfect. They fit perfectly, looked great, and made me feel amazing when I wore them. I thought…ok, this is great. I decluttered.

What I didn’t expect is that I would finally discover my wardrobe. I now know everything that is in it. I can now play around with so many different looks based on what I kept. I actually have fun with everything knowing that no matter what I pull out of my closet, it fits perfectly. I don’t have to wear a tunic with these pants because they are too tight in the leg. I don’t have to wear a long shirt because the pants made my middle look funny. I don’t have to fix or hide the blemish in the outfit I was wearing because there were no blemishes. Every single item was perfect…and it looked perfect on me.

I found my style after sifting through so many articles of clothing. I discovered that I prefer wide leg trousers to regular trousers. I realized that I preferred to keep blouses instead of just random tops. I ended up curating a wardrobe from all of the mismatches mixed in with the rest of the wardrobe. I found my own true style.

I have a lot of things that I do that require different types of garments. From red carpet premieres to hockey games to hockey practice to the office to the opera. I need something different for each event I go to. Because of that, I know I need a wardrobe from casual wear to formal wear and everything in between. I was able to cut my wardrobe down to those items that fit perfectly every time, no matter what I had to attend. I can now find exactly what I’m looking for instead of freaking out when I have a red carpet event and need to find the perfect outfit. I own every single item I could possibly need for any life event that comes up. That’s what I was able to create…a curated wardrobe for my life and everything that happens in it.

It took Marie Kondo’s book to help me find my own style by getting rid of all the wrong things and keeping only the right things. I am not buried under my closet anymore. Everything is in its place.

I have to say that it is fun knowing what you have and trying to invent so many different looks based on the items you keep. This is the kind of wardrobe that should last a very long time. There’s no need to add anymore of the wrong things to it. Knowing what it is that you want out of your wardrobe also helps in deciding what to add and what not to add. You’re not going to want to go on a shopping spree anymore. Why? Because in this process you’ll learn that the less things you have, the less things you have to take care of. That’s the kind of life you want to live. You want to have fewer, but better things.

You’ll only keep the things that bring you joy. If it doesn’t fit right, that won’t bring you joy. If it doesn’t look good on you, it’s not going to bring you joy. If the handbag is a fake, it’s not going to bring you joy because you know the real thing would make you feel better. If the shoes hurt your feet, how is that bringing you joy? Resolve to only wear the shoes you love that actually feel good on your feet.

When you go to put things back in your closet/drawers:

Learn to fold. When you put things away in the drawer, everything should be standing up. There are plenty of Youtube videos that can show you how to fold.
Use all of the same kind of hangers. Upgrade and buy thin hangers all in the same color. You can get a set of 50 for $19.99 at Kohl’s all in the same color. I bought 4 boxes over the years. Since I started decluttering, I’m only using 2 boxes.
When you put things back, the longest items should go on the left, the shortest items to the right. Also, have the darkest items to lightest items going from left (dark) to right (light). This actually makes your closet look clean and neat. (i.e. PERFECT)

For those who are new to taking care of your clothes, I learned how to do things the Martha Stewart way a long time ago. It’s 15 years later and I’ve adopted a new method. I outsource. What I mean by that is that I have a local laundromat pick up, wash, fold, hang, and deliver my clothes. This costs me about $30-$40 every two weeks, but I find that it’s worthwhile for a few reasons: 1) I get 4-6 hours back in my life to do what I want on the weekends, 2) when they return the clothes, it’s already folded exactly the way they need to be folded in the KonMari fashion, 3) they actually wash the clothes better than I ever could, and 4) they actually iron a lot of my clothes.

Sure, there are those items that are dry cleaned and mended. Those go out to the dry cleaners to take care of for me.

The reason why I don’t mind outsourcing like this is because I’m not buying clothes anymore. I’d rather professionals take care to launder, clean and iron them (I hate ironing, I’d rather wear it wrinkled) so I don’t have to. It gives me back so much precious time I was wasting on taking care of my things. Now I have someone else doing it for me. All I have to do is just put the items away when they arrive.

This is a wardrobe I’ve curated and invested in. I don’t want to throw out anymore clothes just because I don’t like them or because they don’t fit. I want to take care of the items that fit perfectly. If someone can do a better job than I can in its care, I’d rather they do it for me. Outsourcing has given me back so much of my life to do the things I want to do, instead of wasting all this time trying to take care of them.

Decluttering your wardrobe is the first step in getting out from under the life that you are drowning in. It helps you not only find and keep the things that bring you joy, but it also helps you discover your own style. Do you know how much time you save each morning knowing that every single item you pull out of your closet will fit perfectly? Do you know how much time and money you save when you know what exactly is in your closet? If you know you already have the perfect white blouse, why do you need to buy another?

The KonMari method has helped me curate the PERFECT wardrobe for myself. I find that I don’t need to buy any new clothes because I have everything I need and it is perfect. If I add anything to it, I know exactly what would complement it to make it even better. Gone are the days of buying a lot of different things only to find a few things that would bring me joy (if any). Now that I know what my style is and what I love, I know exactly what to buy when I buy. I know what the right thing is to add. I don’t need 10 different things of the same item. I know exactly what I’m looking for and will only buy that item.

If it wasn’t for the KonMari method, I never would have discovered my own style. I now have a wardrobe that brings me joy. I’ve scaled it down to a place where I’m happy with what I have. I don’t feel like I’m drowning or overwhelmed. I have exactly what I need. Sure, I still go through and question if I can make the wardrobe better. If I can reduce the wardrobe even more, I will. I want to make sure this is exactly the wardrobe I want.

I have a goal of calling the donation center once a month to do a pickup of all of the items I’m getting rid of. I make sure that each week, I throw out the things I don’t need. Recyclables are thrown out weekly instead of monthly. I make sure to always declutter one spot in the house each day.

The KonMari process isn’t a one weekend thing. It takes six months to complete this project, no matter what size home you live in. Keep that journal handy, because the one thing I never expected were the emotions you go through when you declutter. I found that when I’d take a resale item to the post office or take a bag of items in to sell, I had some emotional conflict. It’s good to write down what’s going on in your journal so that you can better understand how you got to be so bogged down with so much stuff.

Writing things down in the journal will help you work through why you are cluttering up your life. Writing it down is a way to see the monster hidden within you so that you can face it, and then make the decision you’d rather be happy. Happiness isn’t in the accumulation of things. Happiness is having fewer, but better things…the things that bring you joy. Your goal is to surround yourself in the things that bring you joy. You have to work through each and every object to discover what brings you joy. Once you discover what brings you joy, you’re only going to want to keep that joy in your life.

NEXT UP…Decluttering your entertainment.