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Tag Archives: accomplishing goals

Learning How to Love Yourself

1 March 20181 March 2018

When I began my journey this year into the foreign domain of learning how to love myself, I had no idea what would happen.  I had certain goals in mind for the year.  When I looked at my long list of resolutions, I kept asking myself how I was going to accomplish all of this.  I mean, what exactly does it mean to love yourself?

Loving yourself is about stopping yourself from causing yourself anymore sorrow.  It is about taking a deep internal look into your dreams, your desires, your wants and aspirations, and deciding that you will stop making excuses and take the chance of living the life you daydream about every single waking second.

Loving yourself means believing you are worthy enough to be a greater version of yourself.



No More Sorrow

It is so much easier to notice when we cause sorrow to others.  When we realize we hurt someone, we feel remorse and quickly try to fix things, or at least try to say that we are sorry.

But what about the sorrow we cause ourselves every single day?  How many lies and empty promises do we tell ourselves every single day?  Tomorrow, we will go on a diet.  In the morning, we will get up early to write our novel.  We will head to the gym, first thing tomorrow morning.

The future is our excuse, because we have this insane belief that we have an unlimited amount of time on this Earth.  We will do everything in the future and never right now.  Yet, when tomorrow becomes today, we are back to telling ourselves the same thing, “Tomorrow, I will…”.  I mean, seriously.  Who are we kidding?

Putting off everything keeps us in a constant state of sorrow.  The reason why we make empty promises is because when we say we are going to change, we are coming from a place of unhappiness. The changes we promise ourselves are not because we love ourselves.  We make them because we don’t like how we look, or how much money we make, or the state of our health, or the life we are living.

We are demanding that we change from a place of hate, that part of us where we hate ourselves.  And that is why we fail in our resolutions.



Changing the Narrative

So instead of saying to ourselves that we need to change so we can stop hating ourselves, let’s focus on changing ourselves because we would love to be that person we daydream about being.  Truthfully, in our heads we know that our life would be complete sorrow unless we are that person we dream about being.

So what if we stopped dreaming and just became that person?

If we changed the narrative to doing this because we love ourselves enough to change our lives for the better, the results will be so much more different.  You will actually stick to your resolutions.  Your decisions will be based purely on if it will make you happy, because you know you are doing this out of love for yourself.



My Journey

This year, when I began my journey, I set very high, unrealistic goals.  I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and told myself that I am doing this for me, because I do not want to cause myself anymore sorrow.  No more hurting myself.

I realized that not working on the book, being creative or doing the things I love to do caused me sorrow.  Every single day, I chastise myself if I do nothing for this site.  I wanted to stop doing that to myself, being that person I hate…the procrastinator that gets nothing done.

Realizing just how much sorrow I brought to myself, I decided to stop being that procrastinator.  Why in the world was I choosing to hurt myself by not doing something I really wanted to do?  I should just do it!

I made out a list of all of the things I wanted to do for myself.  Then I focused on loving myself.  If I loved myself, what would it look like?  What kind of life would I have?  Who would I be?

So I made a plan.



I decided to lose 75 pounds this year…technically, 85 pounds, because when I made the bet, I already lost 10 pounds at weigh-in.  I bet $50/month ($600/yr) that I would lose this weight by year end.  If I lose the weight, I am set to gain over $2400.

I made the bet through an app called Healthy Wage and got my brother to make a bet, too.  Everyone I encounter on a daily basis knew about my bet.  I have one person checking in on my meals.  Another person checks to make sure I exercised.

I made the decision to lose the weight, because frankly it was time and I was tired of making excuses.  I found a way to lose the weight and that was going on a paleo, low carb, no sugar diet.  But it is not just a diet.  It is a lifestyle.  If I don’t want another tumor, I need to focus on my lifestyle.  I need to love myself enough to take care of my health, so that I will not be put through another cancer scare.

When I workout, I do positive affirmations.  I repeat, “I am losing weight,” over and over again.  Oddly enough, mixed with all of those happy endorphins I am generating, I notice that the weight comes off more frequently when I do this.  Those positive affirmations tie into my goals and loving myself.



Becoming Me

Losing this weight is about seeing the person I dream of being and becoming that person.  I have to love myself enough to be the person I dream of being.  Guess what?  It takes a lot of work to become the person you dream of being, because we live in an auto-pilot world, sinking into the doldrums of existence.  We have to work hard to stay out of that thinking in order to create our new reality.

We become so accustomed to doing the same thing every single day, that we have a difficult time stepping out of our daily routine.  That routine is not who we are, especially if it is bringing us so much sorrow.  We are living a life that does not reflect who we want to be.

You see, losing the weight is only part of my goals this year.  It ties into all of the other stuff.  The plan includes morning and evening meditations, morning runs, working on the novel, and working on the site (even if there isn’t a daily post).  I even have a goal to make half a million dollars outside of my day job.  This is a goal I’ve told everyone about, including my bosses.  One boss understands why I am doing it and completely supports my endeavors, because that plan includes him, too.

I made sure my goals all tied in together, because the change I seek within myself is to be the person I dream of being.  That requires a lot of change and a lot of hard work.  To live on auto-pilot is to create sorrow within myself.

I love myself enough to stop creating anymore sorrow to myself.  By not becoming the person I know I am supposed to be, I create sorrow to myself.  That needs to stop.



The Surprises of Loving Myself

When I started this journey, I planned on focusing only on me.  My friends and family all knew what I was doing, so that they could all help keep me on track.  I made sure that I kept up with the positive affirmations, journaling, and doing things that focused on keeping my mindset on loving myself, and creating no sorrow to anyone, especially to myself.

Relationships or finding love was not on my radar.  It was not even on the agenda.  But something strange happened at the very beginning.  For some time, my heart had been putting out there that what I desired the most was someone who could inspire and challenge me to be better than I am.  When you find that person, you don’t let them go.

So there he was, staring me right in the face, letting his heart do the talking.  I looked at him and realized he was in love with me.  Then I saw how the universe had been at work for some time.  I had to ask myself how I felt about all of this.  I looked at him and realized I felt the exact same way and I was not about to let him go.

It’s funny how all of this works.  Learning to love myself is something I work at every single day.  I try my hardest not to fall back into routine, because that is where I am the unhappiest.  In return, the universe keeps offering up new opportunities that coincide with my goals.

You see, when you put love out into the universe, it comes right back to you.  Every single goal you are trying to achieve, the universe lends a hand, because it wants you to succeed.  We all know who that person is that we want to be.  It takes loving yourself enough to go out there and become that person.



How to Love Yourself

  1. You already know what your daydream is.  Write it down.  Every single dream you have for yourself, write it down in a journal.
  2. Look at all of the entries you’ve made.  What can you accomplish in one year?  Create a life plan by breaking down each goal.  Want to buy a house?  What steps do you need to take to buy a house?  Break it all down and then start taking steps towards making that goal a reality.  For example, for this year, I took my goals of weight loss, healthy lifestyle, financial goals, and my career, and started mapping out what I could do in the first year, one step at a time.
  3. Make it part of your day.  Schedule the changes into your life.  For example, I am up at 4:45AM every morning.  The cats are in on it.  If I try to sleep in, one of them comes in to wake me up.  I get up, feed them, then meditate until 5:30AM.  At 5:30AM, I go for a run or do some sort of exercise.  6AM, I’m ready to write my novel.  7AM, I start getting ready for work.  On the commute, I work on social media posts and business items for the site.  After work, I focus on more business items for the site, go to events, maybe even write a post.  All in all, I am kicking out several goals all in the same day.  At the end of the day, I make sure to journal the positives for the day and write a couple of love notes.  I finish the day off with a deep meditation with God.  I start and end my day with God, because through God, all things are possible.
  4. Positive Affirmations.  I hate to exercise.  I really do.  So when I exercise, I make sure to say positive affirmations as I workout.  I find that doing positive affirmations really lifts your spirits and gets you on a ‘love yourself’ high.  I’ve also changed my narrative on my least favorite activity in the world…running.  I tell myself I am a runner.  That’s what keeps me running.  So tell yourself you are fit, beautiful, healthy, and everything you want to be.  Claim those titles as your own, because you need to see yourself as that person.  That means you need to brainwash yourself into believing you are that incredible person you daydream of being.
  5. Hustle.  Don’t ever go back to routine.  Always keep charging ahead and hustle the hell out of life.  It’s more fun that way.
  6. Self-check.  Always be conscious of not causing yourself anymore sorrow.  The moment you notice you have a bad feeling, take a step back and ask yourself why you are feeling that way.  What can you do to take that bad feeling away?  Do you get mad every single time you think about someone or an incident?  Ask yourself what you can do to stop feeling that way.  What solutions can you present to make yourself feel better?  Always self-check your negative emotions, get to the root of why you feel that way and fix it.  We have a choice in how we choose to feel.
  7. Keep at it.  Life is all about making ourselves better than we are.  We always have room to learn and to grow.  Never stop becoming the best version of yourself.  Keep working at it.
  8. Be Open to Love & Opportunities.  Sometimes what we put out there comes right back to us.  We have to be willing to let those opportunities in, especially when they are good for us.  Loving yourself also means letting people love you.  The greater the love you have for yourself, the greater the love you will have coming right back to you.  That is the kind of investment you want to make.



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How to Accomplish Your Goals

2 May 20162 May 2016

How to accomplish your goalsWe always struggle to stick to a goal we set for ourselves.  We say we want to lose weight.  We are gung ho about it for a few weeks (if we can make it that far) and then we quit.  Maybe we want to save money, but end up going on a spending spree instead and spend all the money we saved.  Or maybe we want to take classes, but end up quitting after a few weeks.

We’ve all been there.  We try, but often give up before we’ve truly started.  We give it our all at the beginning, but then lose steam and all interest shortly thereafter.  We don’t like the discomfort, pain and changes that come along with trying to accomplish our goals.  It’s so much easier to just give up and go back to our old ways, saying we’ll try again later.  It’s easier to say “Yes!” to the doughnut, instead of focusing on our healthy lifestyle.

What if you discovered the secret to accomplishing all of the goals you set for yourself?  Would you try again?  Maybe set higher and better goals for yourself?

The trick to accomplishing your goals all lie in changing your beliefs by creating new beliefs.

Polly Campbell writes in “Detoxify Your Thoughts,”

Beliefs are simply thoughts or ideas repeated over and over until they become tethered to every aspect of our lives. We take them as truth — even though they are merely illusions. We act from them. And, as a result, they are reflected back into our lives as tangible results. Empowering beliefs can support us en route to our greatest potential. However, often we are saddled with limiting beliefs that narrow our possibilities and keep us from the things we most desire.

She goes on to discuss how we can recognize beliefs that sabotage our goals, and silence them by creating new, positive beliefs to help us accomplish our goals.  It is an article worth reading in understanding the process of stopping the sabotage right from the start and trying to overcome it by creating new and positive thoughts that will help you accomplish your goals.

Create Daily Visualization

I create new goals for myself all of the time.  The current goals I’m working on in an attempt to make them a lifelong habit is to exercise more, meditate two times a day, complete 100 chores a day, eat healthier, read more and write more. With each goal, I know that I have to make small, but definitive changes each day where I can see I have made actual progress.


Having a monthly/weekly calendar to keep track of the progress of my goals has been the most important tool I have in my arsenal.  By visually keeping track of each accomplishment, it gives me more power and incentive to keep going.

I use THIS calendar as my every day calendar.  It is unique because at the beginning of the planner, you can list all of your goals, including a time frame you’d like to accomplish each goal.  The calendar is designed by Whitney English of Day Designers.  It has by far been the best calendar I have used to date.  You can download FREE printables from Day Designers to get yourself started.  What’s great about Day Designers is that you can customize your own calendar according to your lifestyle or needs.  What I also love about Whitney English’s Day Designers is that she teaches you how to best use your calendar by offering you guidance on how to calendar and focus on getting the things done you want to get done.  Her calendars are one of the best calendars for perfectionists, Type-A’s, and people who have goals and need a structured way to accomplish their goals.  She helps you think outside the box and gives you the tools to focus on how to get through your day and accomplish the goals you have set for yourself.

Day Designers has been working in collaboration with Blue Sky (soon her calendars will be in Target).  So if she’s sold out on her site, check Blue Sky for additional products.

Don’t Be Discouraged

One resolution I have this year is to read more than 52 books (12 classics) by December 31, 2016.  I started off fantastically.  But this past month, I read only two books.  Visually seeing that setback could be discouraging.  I could do like I did in the past and stop reading for the next few months, telling myself this is something I can’t do.  It’s just a crazy feat I will not be able to accomplish.  In other words, I could completely sabotage myself.

It’s something we all do because it’s so much simpler to not challenge ourselves to be better.  It’s easier to just curl up and flip through Instagram photos, or play Farm Heroes, or read tweets on Twitter.  Why read when you can do something else, right?  We can always do mindless things that do not challenge ourselves to be better.

It’s easier to indulge in our cravings and reach for that doughnut when you’re on a diet, or buy that new handbag when you’re trying to save for a house, or sleep in when it’s raining outside and you are supposed to go workout.  After all, we live in an age of instant gratification.  Why work hard to be something we’re not, when it’s so hard or too much work is involved?  It’s just easier to give into our cravings then it is to resist them.

That’s because the things that are going to be amazing for us takes a lot of work.  We appreciate it more when we have to work hard for it.  We will never appreciate the things that come to us easily.

A calendar is a great way to reflect on how you are accomplishing your goals.  Even if you only complete two items that month towards that goal, or you suffer a bit of a setback…don’t look at it as a setback.  Look at it as part of the challenge.  Reflect at the end of the month how you can work with that ‘setback’ to get yourself back on track to accomplishing your goal.

For example, say you saved up $5,000 for a down payment on your dream home, and then your car breaks down.  All of that money has to go towards the repairs on the car.  You are dismayed because you have to start saving all over again.  Don’t give up!  Just keep doing what you were doing.  You got to $5k and that was an accomplishment.  It also means you can do it again.  Keep going.  Maybe even look for more creative ways to make that money a little faster than you did the first time around.  Find fun ways to make that money.  Pretty soon you’ll find twice that in your savings account.  What you thought was a setback ended up being just a small snafoo.

One thing I always like to remind people is that even millionaires and billionaires can lose their entire fortune.  They can end up far more broke than the homeless guy on the street.  They pick themselves up and in no time, they have those millions/billions of dollars back in no time.  How?  Because they had the tools of knowledge on how to make that kind of money.  All they had to do is keep doing what they were doing before.  Soon they have even more money than they did before.  That minor setback was only a learning experience.  It wasn’t forever.


That setback taught them how to be better at business so that they could make even more money than they ever did before.  They learned from their mistakes and went in a new direction.

The Steps

Accomplishing your goals are simpler than you think it is.  You just have to be willing to do the work.  It first starts by changing your beliefs.

    1.  Get a monthly/weekly calendar.  Write down all of your goals for the year.  It could be getting out of debt, saving more money, paying off your mortgage or student loans, eating healthier, exercising more, learning a new language…whatever you dream of being, put down all of your goals that will lead you to your ultimate goal of the person you envision yourself as being.For me, each time I finish a book, I put a sticker in my monthly calendar, marking completion of a book.  I write down the number of the book, so I know how many books I’ve read so far that year.  I then put another sticker in the weekly section and write down the name of the book and the author.  Being able to visually see what books I read gives me a clearer reflection of what I read over the past year.  It also helps me remember what I read!
    2. Stay positive.  In the previous example, even though you suffer a little setback and feel like you have to start all over again, you shouldn’t be discouraged.  You were able to save $5k.  Give yourself a pat on the back.  You were able to create success in attaining your goal.  You were also given the tools on how to save up that money.  You can use those tools to raise that money again.By remaining positive and staying focused on your goal, you can keep pushing forward.  Campbell says “with practice and commitment you can trade out the bad beliefs for better ones.”  So instead of thinking you failed, think of how you were lucky that you had that $5k saved up.  If you hadn’t had that money saved up when the car broke down, you would have been screwed.Instead of focusing on the negative, focus on the positives of the situation.  With that new understanding, you can charge forward with your goal.  But while you’re charging forward with your goal, think of how you can improve on this situation.  Is there a way you can make the money faster than you did before?  Can you start making money off of a hobby you have?  Can you make money off of the items you don’t need anymore?  Can you work a part-time job?  Brainstorm how you can help reach your goal faster after this small setback.  You’ll have the $5k plus more in no time.

      Just remain positive.

    3. Take pride in every little accomplishment.  Losing weight doesn’t happen overnight.  Books don’t read themselves.  That mile isn’t going to run itself.The purpose of the calendar is so that you can see that you are actually accomplishing your goal one step at a time.  Each day, I count how many chores I do.  My goal is to do 100 chores a day.  I wake up and start doing chores, counting them in my head, no matter how sleepy I am.  I write the number down on the chalkboard and move on with my day.  When I get home at the end of the day, I finish up my 100 chores and then I sit down and relax.You may think it’s nuts doing 100 chores a day, but it’s actually quite simple.  Each dish I wash counts as one chore.  Each piece of mail I go through counts as one chore a piece.  That makes getting through those 100 chores so much easier.  I oftentimes have to make myself stop at 100 so I can have something to do the next day.  I do it this way because knowing I accomplished a daily goal makes me happy.  It tells me that I can do anything I set my mind to, because I accomplished a goal for the day.

      If I didn’t have those 100 chores a day, I would save the chores for the weekend and end up not being able to relax and enjoy my weekends.  In a way, I would be sabotaging myself from all of the other things I want to do…like write more.

      My daily goal of 100 chores a day spills over into wanting to accomplish other goals.  Those 100 chores forces me to get up at 5:30AM to meditate, workout and write.  It encourages me to create healthier recipes and to eat healthier.  It allows me to create time for doing the things I want to do with my life, because I’ve created a new belief system.  I can visually see that I can accomplish a daily goal.  That good feeling of knowing I’ve accomplished a goal I’ve set for myself, tells me I can accomplish all of my goals.

    4. If you make it part of your belief system, you’ll find time.  One of the biggest excuse people come up with is not having time to do what they want to do.  They don’t want to make time to do it.  They are not a morning person, so they don’t want to wake up to workout.  Eating healthy is too expensive.  They don’t have time to read.  They’re already strapped for cash, so how can they save money?Simply put, if you make your goal a part of your belief system, you’ll accomplish your goals.  I don’t like waking up before the sun rises, but I do.  I have a Maine Coon cat that wakes up at 4AM every morning.  He tries to wake everyone up at that time and doesn’t stop until he’s fed at 5:30AM.   After he’s fed, maybe he’ll let you sleep until 7AM.After two years of this, I find I wake up a few minutes before he does.  That’s when I was able to find time to meditate in the morning.  At 5:30AM, the cats are fed and I start yoga or tai chi.  After yoga, I sit down with a cup of coffee and write or do research.  At 7AM, I begin my day.  As I go along in my morning routine, I do chores here and there.  On the commute in, I read.  At the office, when I find I’m going to be at my computer for an extended amount of time, I listen to an audio book, mainly classics (like now, I’m listening to Jules Verne’s “20,000 Leagues Under the Sea”).  On the commute home, I read.  When I get home, I finish up the 100 chores for the day before sitting down to relax.  By the time I’m in bed, I do some more reading, waiting for both cats to fall asleep so that I can do one last meditation before I go to sleep.

      I’ve learned that through meditation, I don’t have to sleep as much.  Five to six hours of sleep are all I need.  I’ve learned to sleep when Matthew Lucifer (the Maine Coon) sleeps.  It’s quite similar to new parents learning when to sleep when their children sleep.  They learn to get their few minutes of ‘me’ time in here and there.

      The thing is no matter what your circumstances are, you can create time to accomplish your goals by making it a part of your belief system.  If you want to live a healthy life, you have to constantly make it part of your choice and belief system until it becomes an unconscious belief.  In the beginning, you have to keep at it until the change has become a part of your life.

      Matthew used to wake me up every hour on the hour when I first adopted him.  I had Mom Brain that whole first year…then all of a sudden a miracle happened.  In November 2015, he slept through the night, waking up between 4AM-5AM, demanding breakfast at 5:30AM.  Now, we’re all on his sleep schedule.  Luckily, the times he wakes up are the times I’m supposed to be getting up to meditate, workout and write.  He has helped me find a time to do the things I really want to do.  Those are the times I used to wake up when I was in high school to finish my homework, because I was too tired at night to think.  I’m still that way.  I never write at night, because I’m too tired.

      It was difficult at first getting used to waking up early again, but bringing meditation into my life helped me see that I don’t need to sleep as much…but I do need a lot of coffee.


    5. The mind is a powerful  thing.  By meditating twice a day, I am able to focus on the things I want out of life.  All of my goals are easier to accomplish, because I am able to get rid of the clutter in my mind and focus on the things that are important to me.If there’s anything I know that is true, always keeping a positive mind will make wonderful things happen for you.  It doesn’t just take a positive mindset, it takes a powerful mind.  Meditation is the only way to creating a powerful mind.  You’ll be able to confront your own demons, the ones that try to sabotage you every step of the way.  You’ll be able to vanquish them and decide that you are not going to listen to the naysayers in your head.  You’re going to focus on the good stuff.You learn how to speak to yourself in a nice way.  You won’t tolerate the bad thoughts.  When the bad thoughts happen, you’ll decide that you’re not going to listen to those thoughts anymore.  You choose to listen to only the good things.  You choose to remain positive.

      It takes a lot of practice to focus on choosing the good and positive things in life.  That’s why I meditate no less than two times a day.  A lot of times, I go for walks and meditate while walking (not all meditations are closed eyes).

      We all have things we have to work on inside of us.  We can choose to let go of our past and focus on creating a better self for ourselves.  Meditation is a powerful thing.  It’s you taking back control over your entire life and deciding that from here on out, you’re going to live an amazing life.

      You’ll begin to see that you are not a victim of circumstances.  You are the creator of your circumstances.  We all have choices we make in life.  How we view life and the challenges that happen along this journey, is all a choice.

      We can choose to look at life negatively, thus creating a negative circumstance, or we can choose to see things in a positive light and see great things happen.  We can see the silver lining even in the worst of circumstances.

      Achieving your goal is all in a mindset.  It’s all about incorporating your goal into your own belief system.


WHAT TO DO

You’ve gotten this far.  First, read that article by Campbell.  You’ll see how you can stop from sabotaging yourself and strengthen your belief system.

Get yourself an all-in-one monthly/weekly calendar to keep track of your accomplishments.  Be colorful about it.  I use different color pens and stickers.

Create a daily goal that you know you can accomplish every single day. Mine is 100 chores a day and to read 50 pages a day.  This is your daily dose of the “You Can Do It!” feeling that will overflow into your other goals.  It will help give you motivation to accomplish your other goals.

See your setback as a challenge to up your game.  Don’t be dismayed when you feel like everything you worked so hard for is wiped out from under you.  Instead, take a moment to reflect.  Keep doing what you were doing, but ask yourself how you can do this better.  Is there something you overlooked?  Is there a way you could probably improve upon what you’ve already done?  Is there a way you can do this differently, but still accomplish your goal?

Take one step at a time.  It is tough making changes like waking up early in the morning to go for a run.  When you get up in the morning, resolve to thinking the SNOOZE button no longer exists and you have a crazy Maine Coon cat waking you up and attacking you if you even attempt to press snooze (yes, mine does this). You are accomplishing something each time you wake up and resolve to run.

Keep in mind that you are taking this one step at a time.  Create better habits with each step.  Maybe instead of taking the elevator up those few short flights, you’ll arrive 10 minutes earlier to walk up those flights of stairs.  If you sit at your desk during lunch, resolve to walk during lunch to get in your daily 10,000 steps.  Make small, but positive changes to accomplish your goals.  This is about incorporating this into your belief cycle…the belief that you should be doing this because it is WHO YOU ARE.

Do this again and again and again until it becomes an unconscious decision inside of you.  Practice Makes Perfect!  If you want to eat healthier, it’s about always wanting to choose the healthier food the majority of the time.  If you don’t like healthy food, create healthy food you’ll fall in love with.  It’s all about trial by error.  Sometimes you’ll find that trying and trying again, even attempting new things to reach your goals will create a new passion in life…being the person you always dreamed of being…YOU in this moment…the person that accomplished their goals and made their dreams come true.




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