Once upon a time, I created this blog called Perfectionist Wannabe. For early readers, they were very aware of how the name of this site came to be.
It’s a decade later. There are new readers. The site has had several makeovers. But now, I think it is time to fully launch what this site has always been about. Or maybe go back to its original roots.
After a few years of trying to find this site’s direction, I think it is time to pivot. Vogue sent out an email last week about the base moving towards the Vogue business/industry model. Since I received training at Conde Nast College in London, I knew exactly what that meant.
It is time to apply the skills I was given to every aspect of everything I do.
So let’s start that new pivot by explaining how Perfectionist Wannabe got its name.
Would You Believe the Name was Inspired by a Cannibal?
Oh yes. It was. Keep reading.
The name was inspired by Hannibal Lecter. More specifically, from the Hannibal series featuring Mads Mikkelsen. Mads pulled off the most perfect Hannibal Lecter I have ever seen. It inspired me to want to become someone better than I was.
From his elegant abode to his attention to the arts and fine dining, I was enamored in the sophistication of it all. I loved the beauty in his perfection. From the clean pressed shirt to the debonair suits, Mads Mikkelsen was perfectly beautiful. He was well coiffed, even as he killed his next meal.
I was inspired to be a better version of myself all thanks to this series. I wanted to learn more about classical music, ballet, opera, and all of the finer things in life. I learned about caviar and how to make French food. I became a much better cook. I dined in the best restaurants and became a regular at the opera and ballet. I went to gallery openings. Simply put, I was out educating myself on the finer things in life.
Perfectionist Wannabe became my dumping ground for sharing that journey. People ate it all up.
In the back of my head, I had Hannibal’s perfectionism in my mind. No matter how much people protested the Perfectionist part of the name. You know they all secretly were trying to perfect something in their life. They kept coming back to see what I did, what I learned, and what I experienced.
Now, do you see where the wannabe part came in?
People are so apt to try to say that to seek perfectionism is a psychological disorder. That’s why I always used ‘wannabe’ instead of calling my site The Perfectionist, because I am far from perfect. But really, this has always been about Hannibal Lecter.
He just might be my favorite villain, followed by General Kirigan from Leigh Bardugo’s Shadow & Bone series. I read all of the books Thomas Harris wrote long before Mads Mikkelsen took the role. I saw all of the movies/shows. I am a Fannibal.
Someone sent me an invitation to the 25th anniversary screening of The Silence of the Lambs. When I arrived, the director, Jonathan Demme, just happened to be walking in at the same time. He didn’t want to look like he came alone, so he pretended I was his date. So we walked in together. We found a seat together. He sat down next to me with the composer, Howard Shore, sitting in front of us.
Event staff came by a few minutes later. They told him he was actually supposed to be on stage with Jodie Foster.
I laughed to myself that only in my crazy universe would this happen to me. The director of the film that started me on my path to horror pretended I was his date. This was the film that inspired it all for me.
Demme died of cancer in 2017.
Hannibal Lecter has a bit of a soft spot in my heart. Some people are nuts about Jason in Friday the 13th or Freddy Krueger in A Nightmare on Elm Street. But for me, it has always been Hannibal. It was the first film that ever scared the bejesus out of me. It was the first of its kind: a psychological film that scared you out of your mind.
So now that you know that Perfectionist Wannabe is actually inspired by a cannibal, let’s talk about what’s next.
A New Penny Dreadful Series on Substack
Kate Rock from Kate Rock Literary Services gave me this idea without meaning to. I thought, like others, she was commenting on the boldness of the site name. (She could have been commenting on the post I wrote for Book Influencers. She still won’t confirm one way or the other.)
I thought about it. In the past, people see the name and tell me I have a psychological disorder. [People really are the best when they are purposely being an asshole.] I thought about how the site name actually came from Hannibal Lecter. Then I thought about a book I had just finished. It was Bat Eater and Other Names for Cora Zeng by Kylie Lee Baker. Then my aha! moment came.
Perfectionist Wannabe is going to have a Substack featuring a penny dreadful series I’ve been wanting to do for years. This new series features an Asian American woman in NYC who is your everyday serial killer. The series will be part Dexter, Cora Zeng, and Hannibal Lecter. I may even throw a recipe in at the end to keep it true to this site.
This site remains a lifestyle blog sharing that Hannibal Lecter adventure into the finer things in life (sans eating people). Substack will be reserved for the fictional character. She is part fashionista in the world of Carrie Bradshaws, but make her Hannibal Lecter with a Dexter heart. Who doesn’t want to stalk those men and make them pay for pushing Asian American women onto the subway tracks?
I also want to note that this will be the first time I’m letting myself publicly release my fictional writing. I’ve spent the last 17 years writing news and blog pieces. So be gentle with me because fiction is where I get to be free from the confines of news reporting. I get to unleash that psychopath who sits through a scary movie and says, “This is not scary.” While the guy sitting next to me is balled up, rocking back and forth, scared out of his fucking mind.
Welcome to Perfectionist Wannabe.
One Last Note
It may not be obvious from this site, but part of my pivot has been to become a horror writer. That is something I have always wanted to be. A horror writer. I spent 7 years as a hockey writer because I felt like I needed to prove that I could write. I kept a blog because I had great success with them.
Over the last decade, I have been stuck in limbo. I tried to transition from one identity (hockey writer) to a new one (horror writer). I struggled with making this site what I wanted it to become.
In the past few years, Vogue has given me the tools to help me on my journey. It has just taken me a long time to figure out how it falls into place. If you believe in astrological stuff, apparently it’s in the stars on why it took so long. Now that those blockages have been removed, everything has been falling into place.
I’m finally figuring it out. I will admit that there are some tools I needed that hadn’t been invented, yet. So now that they exist, I can connect the new Perfectionist Wannabe horror series with this site. As one of my friends said to me, “So this new character is you, but make her serial killer.” Yeah. I think that’s who she is.
Vogue’s email last week was also like activating the GO switch in my life. I’m returning to my pre-pandemic VIP life. I missed it. That’s also a part of my identity that I felt I lost, but now I’m reclaiming it.
This site will share those things I’ve learned along the way. It will also share every little aspect from all the different hats I wear. From being a book influencer, to the fashion, dining, arts, film, and being a writer. A horror writer. In a way, I’m sharing my journey in hopes you’ll find something you can use or learn. Maybe there’s a recipe you’ll fall in love with. Or there’s a book or film review you need. There may even be an interview from someone I met that you’ll want to read.
Wherever this journey takes me, I hope you’ll come along for the ride. I promise there will be no fava beans or chianti. Or maybe there will be?
Oh, and here’s the link to the Substack if you want to meet the Perfectionist Wannabe. The first article will be free. The continuing series will be subscription only. Stay tuned. She’ll be here soon.